(really) Early Morning Thoughts

I usually walk it out with my best friend Melissa. We clock a five mile loop around town. She texted me last night after I went to bed (At 6:30...which probably explains why I am awake at 4:47 am) and told me she wasnt going to be able to walk today.

*Deep breaths*

Now true, we said we were going to walk 5 days a week. And we've already walked 3 times this week(our week starts on Saturdays). But I feel like if I lose momentum already, this year is going to turn out like every other year where I do amazing in January...and then spend the other 11 months saying to myself "Ill start tomorrow"

Ive always been so reliant on someone else dieting with me(mostly my mom) that when they fall off the wagon, I jump off and lie in the dirt with them. Until the wagon travels off into the distance and then I think to myself...well, unless I have my own wagon, I cant catch up to that wagon. Basically, there are too many wagons in this story.

I need to learn that I am responsible for MY OWN WEIGHT LOSS! No one else. No one is forcing me to eat what I do. No one is stopping me from exercising. Except me. My own wagon. Ive wanted to join weight watchers, but havent because I didnt want to do it alone. But looking back(I joined weight watchers with my mom when I was about 16) I stopped going when she stopped going. Maybe it would be easier, better, to do it on my own.

I break today from the 5 mile hike might do me good. Give my legs a rest. And my new shoes will be here tomorrow. Im gonna do Cardioke after I drop Kylie off to school, which I think is the funnest(most fun for all you grammatical sticklers out there) work out dvd out there. I highly reccomend you check it out. I also have all these dance dvds laying around my house that I got from a girl on craigslist. I got Zoomba, Hip Hop Abs(which I actually threw away it was so bad) Core Rythyms and well, I cant remember the title for the last one. But I purchased them in December of 08 and they have been sitting in my living room, barely used. I love dancing. I have always loved dancing. I really want to get out there and salsa dance or two step or shake my ass-anything really. But it all comes back to the "Im alone...and dont want to be" mentallity. I know for a fact that 3 places near my house have free salsa lessons on wednesday or thursday nights. And I never go.

I just want to be comfortable being by myself I guess. Ive never eaten alone. Never gone and seen a movie alone. I dont shop alone. On this weight loss journey, Id love to get used to doing things on my own and not letting that hold me back from trying things I really think Id like.

5:04 in the morning. Maybe I'll try and cat nap before I gotta make breakfast for the little one.

Until later

Xo,
CC