"Love, at times, can be a mirage. But to pass up an oasis for fear of being let down means you'll never escape the desert."
My sister is pretty inspiring.
I was thinking about my weight today. Shock, right? I have the wedding coming up. And I have been diligent(as hell) about walking this week. Id like to drop a few more pounds. Obviously, there is a guy to impress. I always set my bar FAR too high. Wedding is the 15th. Id like to weight 10 pounds less. The walking still hurts-my uterus is very angry with me. As it should be. And I know loves, I really should be heeding your advice and resting. I know I should. Rationally, I am an idiot. Who puts vanity in front of health? 10 pounds in 2 weeks is a mirage. Its not realistic. And instead of saying "Okay, I need to slow down and just give my body some time." I am pushing it. For the sake of looking better in a dress.
I also am having some issues when it come to looking at myself. When I look at myself in the mirror, i dont think what I am looking at is that big. Way better then before, obviously. But I see myself in pictures and I cringe. When I walked out of the house, I thought I looked amazing. Thats what I truly looked like? Gross!! How could my eyes be deceiving me so badly!?!
Although, I did get quite the ego boost today. I got the dress in the mail today. Huge. I mean, I was swimming in the thing. I called up the "offical seamstress" for the wedding party and went in to see her. She shook her head.
"Why did you buy this?"
I was confused. I like the dress!
"Its huge on you. You cant possibly think this would fit"
"No. I figured it would be a size too big, but not this bad"
"What size?"
"This is a 22"
She quickly begins to pull at the dress, pinning it into place where she will be taking it in. She clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and shakes her head again. "You needed 18 at the most. Youre between a 18 and a 16"
16? I havent been a 16 in 6 years. And even then, it was a fleeting 16 on my way up from 12 to a 22. The last time I was a solid 16 was when I was a sophomore in high school. Yeeesh.
I look at myself in the mirror. There are huge flaps of cloth on either side of my body. I wish I would have taken a picture. That was a hell of a progress picture. To see exactly how far I have come down. It was pretty cool. But in the same breath, the flap of belly fat I have made me frown.
Im going to take a rest tonight from walking. Promise. :)
X's and O's bbs!
Mary
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
All wrong.
My memory is TERRIBLE. So, Im supposed to be taking antibiotics(oops...) not exercising(I always remember about 3 miles in...) or lifting anything heavy (My father and I lifted my grandmother+wheelchair down 4 flights of stairs. And then back up them)Im also not supposed to be taking baths (my favorite indulgence...which I remembered 6 minutes into its steamy bubbly watery perfection...) Also, I think I was supposed to start my new birth control(for the second time...) on sunday. Oh well, not like Im gonna be bumping uglies with anyone anytime soon.
The walking is making me feel like my uterus is falling out. I have loaded myself up with those sticky backed heating pads and motrin and gotten out of the house. When Im inside, I feel very mopey, tired and my compulsion to eat is off the charts. When Im outside walking, I convince myself I am going to eat nothing but veggies, have a big loss this weigh in and that god never gives me more then I can handle. Im sticking with the last two.
I ordered this dress in black, for an upcoming wedding. In a 22.
IN A 22?!?!
I guess it was a reflex? Instinct? After I purchased it I was like "You arent a 22 anymore!!" I contacted DB and told them I needed a different size. They only had 10,12, 22,24,26. Crap. So, hopefully, Im not as thin as I pretend to be? :) Or maybe the dress will run, like, 2 sizes to small. Most likely, its gonna need some alteration. Since the dress is fairly plain, Im thinking sexy shoes, a bold jewelry statement(either necklace or earrings, not both) and hot hair. Suggestions? Especially the hair. Im considering getting it done professionally. Doing it myself stresses me out TO NO END!
I own these. Im pretty sure these are the shoes Im wearing.
Sexy. And incredibly comfy. All night. Including dancing. So Im looking at silver jewelry I think...
Today is Baby Daddys birthday. Im cooking tacos. Mmmm...the fat girl in me is super happy.
X's and O's my loves,
Mary
The walking is making me feel like my uterus is falling out. I have loaded myself up with those sticky backed heating pads and motrin and gotten out of the house. When Im inside, I feel very mopey, tired and my compulsion to eat is off the charts. When Im outside walking, I convince myself I am going to eat nothing but veggies, have a big loss this weigh in and that god never gives me more then I can handle. Im sticking with the last two.
I ordered this dress in black, for an upcoming wedding. In a 22.
IN A 22?!?!
I guess it was a reflex? Instinct? After I purchased it I was like "You arent a 22 anymore!!" I contacted DB and told them I needed a different size. They only had 10,12, 22,24,26. Crap. So, hopefully, Im not as thin as I pretend to be? :) Or maybe the dress will run, like, 2 sizes to small. Most likely, its gonna need some alteration. Since the dress is fairly plain, Im thinking sexy shoes, a bold jewelry statement(either necklace or earrings, not both) and hot hair. Suggestions? Especially the hair. Im considering getting it done professionally. Doing it myself stresses me out TO NO END!
I own these. Im pretty sure these are the shoes Im wearing.
Sexy. And incredibly comfy. All night. Including dancing. So Im looking at silver jewelry I think...
Today is Baby Daddys birthday. Im cooking tacos. Mmmm...the fat girl in me is super happy.
X's and O's my loves,
Mary
Monday, April 26, 2010
The time has come...
I couldnt bare to say it to his face. But I couldnt keep it in. So I took the chicken shit route and texted him. I cant believe I did that. Im a stronger person then that.
"So...while you were in Salt Lake City, I was at Kaiser for 6 hours, miscarrying/terminating our child. Didnt want to ruin your vacation. This is kind of a fucked up text..."
He called me immediately.
"So. What?"
I explained to him what happened. I could tell that his usual "What am I supposed to say" silence had been replaced with him actually trying to find the right words.
"Im sorry. But Im glad you told me. Is there anything I can do?"
Well, color me shocked.
We got deeper into the conversation and I told him the main reasons why I knew that we couldnt have a kid.
"If we had a boy, Id hate for him to grow up, seeing our dynamic, and think that treating women, the way you treat me is okay. If we had a little girl, there is no way in hell I would want to her to accept the kind of treatment from her man that I get from you"
"You dont think I treat you well?" I think I actually struck a chord.
"Corey, lets be honest. Our dynamic is completely fucked. Its both of our faults. I let you get away with treating me terribly."
"You dont think I would change that if we had children?"
"Would you?" I kind of winced at this question. It was a big one.
"I didnt know you didnt like the way I treat you now."
I sigh. We both kind of steered the conversation to lighter topics. He made jokes and made me laugh. I told him that things were going to be okay. But I dont know if thats true. I used to make it my mission in life to make sure that things were okay between me and him. I love him, completely. But more often then not lately, I believe that love is a mirage. A vision somewhere in the distance of how amazing it could be. Time and experience has made me jaded. I love him, honestly, I do. I always will. I cant imagine my life without him and yet sometimes, I think I would be better off without him. I used to think he was my book. And the book was going to have a happy ending. Maybe all this time, he has just been a chapter.
I lost an ounce. It made me cry, because I knew what that ounce was. It wasnt me eating well or exercising. It was a piece of me that was taken away. That I opted to be taken away. This loss truely is a loss.
"Happy birthday, I love you, whoever you woulda been" Happy Birthday by Flipsyde.
Your thoughts, hugs, kind words and prayers...I cant thank you guys enough. This has truly been one of the hardest times of my life. Thank you all for letting me be so honest about this and listening and really being there for me. You guys have been my security blanket...youre all very warm and cuddly :) I love you guys and will for ever and ever.
XoXo,
Mary
"So...while you were in Salt Lake City, I was at Kaiser for 6 hours, miscarrying/terminating our child. Didnt want to ruin your vacation. This is kind of a fucked up text..."
He called me immediately.
"So. What?"
I explained to him what happened. I could tell that his usual "What am I supposed to say" silence had been replaced with him actually trying to find the right words.
"Im sorry. But Im glad you told me. Is there anything I can do?"
Well, color me shocked.
We got deeper into the conversation and I told him the main reasons why I knew that we couldnt have a kid.
"If we had a boy, Id hate for him to grow up, seeing our dynamic, and think that treating women, the way you treat me is okay. If we had a little girl, there is no way in hell I would want to her to accept the kind of treatment from her man that I get from you"
"You dont think I treat you well?" I think I actually struck a chord.
"Corey, lets be honest. Our dynamic is completely fucked. Its both of our faults. I let you get away with treating me terribly."
"You dont think I would change that if we had children?"
"Would you?" I kind of winced at this question. It was a big one.
"I didnt know you didnt like the way I treat you now."
I sigh. We both kind of steered the conversation to lighter topics. He made jokes and made me laugh. I told him that things were going to be okay. But I dont know if thats true. I used to make it my mission in life to make sure that things were okay between me and him. I love him, completely. But more often then not lately, I believe that love is a mirage. A vision somewhere in the distance of how amazing it could be. Time and experience has made me jaded. I love him, honestly, I do. I always will. I cant imagine my life without him and yet sometimes, I think I would be better off without him. I used to think he was my book. And the book was going to have a happy ending. Maybe all this time, he has just been a chapter.
I lost an ounce. It made me cry, because I knew what that ounce was. It wasnt me eating well or exercising. It was a piece of me that was taken away. That I opted to be taken away. This loss truely is a loss.
"Happy birthday, I love you, whoever you woulda been" Happy Birthday by Flipsyde.
Your thoughts, hugs, kind words and prayers...I cant thank you guys enough. This has truly been one of the hardest times of my life. Thank you all for letting me be so honest about this and listening and really being there for me. You guys have been my security blanket...youre all very warm and cuddly :) I love you guys and will for ever and ever.
XoXo,
Mary
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Untitled.
First off.
Erika, Kerri, Drazil, Jenn,Rheina, Keri,KatieJ and Lola I cant tell you how much you support meant to me. I cant express my gratitude. Seriously, thank you guys for being my online family. I love you guys.
I went into the doctor on friday, suddenly, because I started bleeding and cramping. I was afraid I was miscarrying. They took me in immediately and bombarded me with tests. Blood tests, urine tests, ultrasound, sonogram. I was literally at the doctors for 6 hours on friday. At two o'clock, I was sitting in the doctors office and her biggest concern was that I was pregnant, but the pregnancy was not located in my uterus. Which, she explained, meant that it could continue to grow and possibly burst, making me extremely ill or possibly worse...
I already have a weakened immune system because of my lupis, so they didnt want to take any chances. She explained to me that they were going to extract fluid from my uterus to test and they would be able to test and find out where my pregnancy was. After 10 very painful minutes of extraction, they rushed the fluid down to the lab and she told me to relax. That in 30 minutes they would know exactly what is going on in my body.
In the mean time, I went down to the lab. There was a chance that I was going to need a shot and the injection room closed at 4:00. It was 3:40. I sat in one of the vinyl chairs, worried about the possibility of having to go into surgery.
3:44. My cell phone rings.
Doc. "Great news! The pregnancy was in your uterus!"
Me. "Okay. So what does this mean? What now?"
Doc. "Nothing, youre all done. We ordered you some antibiotics, they should be at the pharmacy"
Me. "Okay, so now I just go through my "termination" appointments as scheduled?"
Doc pauses. "Oh honey. I thought you understood. The procedure you had done today was the termination"
Me. Shocked. "I thought you were extracting fluid?"
Doc. "We extracted the fluid and tissues that were showing up on your sonogram. If you hadnt been pregnant in your uterus, you would still be pregnant and we would have to be searching for where you were carrying the fetus. But you were pregnant where you were supposed to be. But the pregnancy was effectively terminated with the extraction."
I thanked her for being an awesome doctor(she really was) and hung up the phone and immediately started crying. This is what I was going to do all along. But having it done and not knowing that it was done? Emotional suicide. I sat in my car, after picking up my prescription, and starred blankly at the other cars in the garage. How can a decision that I know is right feel so utterly wrong?
Im going back and forth, trying to figure out if I should tell the dad. He is on vacation right now and gets back on monday. Emotionally, I want to tell him. I want him to hold me while I cry and tell me he is sorry he wasnt there for me when it happened. Rationally, I know that the possibly of that happening is pretty fucking slim.
Love you ladies. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and doing well.
Xo,
Mary
Ps. Diet wise...ive been pretty bad. Emotional eating is rearing its ugly head. Ive tried to curtail it. Will be weighing in on Monday. And we'll go from there.
Erika, Kerri, Drazil, Jenn,Rheina, Keri,KatieJ and Lola I cant tell you how much you support meant to me. I cant express my gratitude. Seriously, thank you guys for being my online family. I love you guys.
I went into the doctor on friday, suddenly, because I started bleeding and cramping. I was afraid I was miscarrying. They took me in immediately and bombarded me with tests. Blood tests, urine tests, ultrasound, sonogram. I was literally at the doctors for 6 hours on friday. At two o'clock, I was sitting in the doctors office and her biggest concern was that I was pregnant, but the pregnancy was not located in my uterus. Which, she explained, meant that it could continue to grow and possibly burst, making me extremely ill or possibly worse...
I already have a weakened immune system because of my lupis, so they didnt want to take any chances. She explained to me that they were going to extract fluid from my uterus to test and they would be able to test and find out where my pregnancy was. After 10 very painful minutes of extraction, they rushed the fluid down to the lab and she told me to relax. That in 30 minutes they would know exactly what is going on in my body.
In the mean time, I went down to the lab. There was a chance that I was going to need a shot and the injection room closed at 4:00. It was 3:40. I sat in one of the vinyl chairs, worried about the possibility of having to go into surgery.
3:44. My cell phone rings.
Doc. "Great news! The pregnancy was in your uterus!"
Me. "Okay. So what does this mean? What now?"
Doc. "Nothing, youre all done. We ordered you some antibiotics, they should be at the pharmacy"
Me. "Okay, so now I just go through my "termination" appointments as scheduled?"
Doc pauses. "Oh honey. I thought you understood. The procedure you had done today was the termination"
Me. Shocked. "I thought you were extracting fluid?"
Doc. "We extracted the fluid and tissues that were showing up on your sonogram. If you hadnt been pregnant in your uterus, you would still be pregnant and we would have to be searching for where you were carrying the fetus. But you were pregnant where you were supposed to be. But the pregnancy was effectively terminated with the extraction."
I thanked her for being an awesome doctor(she really was) and hung up the phone and immediately started crying. This is what I was going to do all along. But having it done and not knowing that it was done? Emotional suicide. I sat in my car, after picking up my prescription, and starred blankly at the other cars in the garage. How can a decision that I know is right feel so utterly wrong?
Im going back and forth, trying to figure out if I should tell the dad. He is on vacation right now and gets back on monday. Emotionally, I want to tell him. I want him to hold me while I cry and tell me he is sorry he wasnt there for me when it happened. Rationally, I know that the possibly of that happening is pretty fucking slim.
Love you ladies. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and doing well.
Xo,
Mary
Ps. Diet wise...ive been pretty bad. Emotional eating is rearing its ugly head. Ive tried to curtail it. Will be weighing in on Monday. And we'll go from there.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Warning: Some People May Find This Post Offensive.
Seriously. That was not a cute title. Some people will find the subject matter and my opinions on the subject offensive. The following post will have to do with a very serious subject matter. Please take my warning into consideration before continuing.
And please know that it isnt my intention to offend anyone. But this is my blog and these are my feelings.
-Thanks
I probably wont be weighing myself for at least the next month or so.
And here's why
This is not a good thing. Not a time for congratulations and hopes for the future. This is a disaster. The no-good ex I have been talking about? Yeah, old habits die hard I suppose. I switched my birth control from the pill to the ring...and long story short, i misread the directions. I found out I was pregnant on wednesday. About 4 weeks along. I can not have a child with this man. I am not financially able to. He is not financially able, nor mature enough to have a child. He treats me terribly. I dont want to bring up a child in the kind of environment. Besides the want to have another child, nothing in my life is ready for another child. I am living paycheck to paycheck as it is and I need to think about the child I already have. I called my doctor today to make an appointment for an abortion. Emotionally, I really dont want to do this. But I know that rationally, it is the best decision for me right now.
This news, as well as this decision has been eating away at me. I guess Im also having a hard time because Im doing it alone. I havent told the dad that Im pregnant and Im not going to. I know the first words out of his mouth will either be "What are you going to do about it" or "Im not ready to be a dad". Im crushed as it is and hearing his concern for his own life and how it might change would be a low blow. Besides my mom and my best friend, I havent told anyone else. Honestly besides being upset about it, Im also embarrassed. Embarrassed that at 27 years old, I would be so irresponsible.
I wrote it here because this is my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. And while I SO enjoy you guys reading and supporting me through my weight loss journeys, its also an outlet for me to write about my feelings about my life. And this is my life at its hardest.
Xo,
Mary
And please know that it isnt my intention to offend anyone. But this is my blog and these are my feelings.
-Thanks
I probably wont be weighing myself for at least the next month or so.
And here's why
This is not a good thing. Not a time for congratulations and hopes for the future. This is a disaster. The no-good ex I have been talking about? Yeah, old habits die hard I suppose. I switched my birth control from the pill to the ring...and long story short, i misread the directions. I found out I was pregnant on wednesday. About 4 weeks along. I can not have a child with this man. I am not financially able to. He is not financially able, nor mature enough to have a child. He treats me terribly. I dont want to bring up a child in the kind of environment. Besides the want to have another child, nothing in my life is ready for another child. I am living paycheck to paycheck as it is and I need to think about the child I already have. I called my doctor today to make an appointment for an abortion. Emotionally, I really dont want to do this. But I know that rationally, it is the best decision for me right now.
This news, as well as this decision has been eating away at me. I guess Im also having a hard time because Im doing it alone. I havent told the dad that Im pregnant and Im not going to. I know the first words out of his mouth will either be "What are you going to do about it" or "Im not ready to be a dad". Im crushed as it is and hearing his concern for his own life and how it might change would be a low blow. Besides my mom and my best friend, I havent told anyone else. Honestly besides being upset about it, Im also embarrassed. Embarrassed that at 27 years old, I would be so irresponsible.
I wrote it here because this is my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. And while I SO enjoy you guys reading and supporting me through my weight loss journeys, its also an outlet for me to write about my feelings about my life. And this is my life at its hardest.
Xo,
Mary
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fat Girls and See-Saws
You ever see-saw as a chubby kid, with our non-chubby counter part? Mine was my teeny tiny sister. For fat people, there are no see saws. Only catapults.
Me current see saw isnt one I can sit on. It the choice I make. Because I make one good, and one bad.
Today, I chose to walk 5 miles and eat sensibly. See saw goes up
However, I am letting my ex treat me terribly. Again. See saw goes down.
16 minutes have gone by and I cant bring myself to write the in depth, insightful post I was hoping for.
How do you let someone go when you truly believe you are meant to be with them?
As a side note, I realized that this weeks weigh in put me at 25.5 pounds. I hit the 25 pound mark!!! I still hope to reach the teens by the end of April. Which means I have to lose 5 pounds both next week and the week after...
Xo,
Mary
Me current see saw isnt one I can sit on. It the choice I make. Because I make one good, and one bad.
Today, I chose to walk 5 miles and eat sensibly. See saw goes up
However, I am letting my ex treat me terribly. Again. See saw goes down.
16 minutes have gone by and I cant bring myself to write the in depth, insightful post I was hoping for.
How do you let someone go when you truly believe you are meant to be with them?
As a side note, I realized that this weeks weigh in put me at 25.5 pounds. I hit the 25 pound mark!!! I still hope to reach the teens by the end of April. Which means I have to lose 5 pounds both next week and the week after...
Xo,
Mary
Monday, April 12, 2010
Back.
It was one hell of a weekend!
Friday was Vegas. Packed up. Boarded my plane. Touched down and hopped on the back of dads harley for the short trip to the Hard Rock, where we were staying. Awesome view.
We didnt have too much time before ACDC started, so we decided to head over to the MGM and grab some dinner. My dad let me pick where we ate, because he knows and supports me on WW. I see a chinese/japanese restaurant and we get seated. We both order and I was pretty good. I got a steak salad with asian veggies and thai chili dressing, a crunchy california roll and we split an order of potstickers. Everything was amazing. We headed over to the amphitheater and thoroughly enjoyed the concert. I mean, these guys are in their 70s and still ROCK THE SHIT out of that stage. This was my 3rd tour/4th concert Ive seen them at and they put on an amazing live show.
So, after the concert let out, we headed over to a 24 hour tattoo place. I got this.
Its the same quote my dad has on his arm. My dad and I havent always had the best relationship. But its getting better and we're both trying. I wanted him to know how important he is to me. Figured I do it with a tattoo :)
Head back to the Hard Rock around 1:30 am and get into bed, trying to get some rest for tomorrows ride.
We hit the ground running at 8 am Saturday morning. Three hours later we find ourself here, in Death Valley.
The road we were supposed to take is under heavy construction, so we decide to take a different road...which gets us fairly lost. We end up in Bishop, California. Grab a hotel room for the night and walk across the street to-another japanese restaurant. Lol. I ate terrible at lunch(BLT, Fries and 3 onion rings...) so I was much better at dinner. Only 8 points for the sushi I ordered. We were both exhausted, so we fell asleep by 8 o'clock.
6:30 am. I dont remember the last time I was up this early. Dads been watching the news and says we need to leave ASAP because a storm is moving in.
Great. I put on everything I own(which included my boxers and tank top I brought as pjs) and we head out. Its freezing.
Once we cross the sierras and get into the central valley, its not too bad. It warms up a bit and we are making fairly good time. We stop for lunch(fish and chips...man I make bad vacation food decisions!!) and call my mom. Who tells us its storming at home. Ugh. Not the greatest news we've been hit with...
We hit 152 and it is pouring. Buckets. The wind is 50+ mph. Im scared. Really scared. And soaking wet. I was wearing jeans, thermal underwear and boxers, as well as boots that hit me at the knee. They were drenched after 3 minutes in the down pour. There is a puddle in both of my boots. My rain jacket gives up about 20 minutes into the ride and I can feel water immediately soak my sweatshirt, thermal top and tank top. Right down to my bra. Im freezing. Im shaking so bad I though I was going to fall off the bike. We finally hit Gilroy, the biggest town in 40 miles or so and get a room at a shit motel. I have literally, no clothing to change into. I wore everything I brough with me. My hands are shaking so bad I couldnt take m helmet off. We blast the heater and my dad tells me to take a hot shower and he will take our wet clothes(He had a dry tank top and swim shorts in our pack) to the dryer. I turn on the shower. Cold. I run it for 10 minutes. Still cold. I was on the verge of tears.
I whip out my phone and log onto hotels.com. There is no freaking way we are staying here. I am just about to book a 180 dollar room at the ritziest place I can find when my dad gets off his phone. "Your mom is on her way with dry clothes. She is going to take you home." (Gilroy is about an hour away from home)
"I dont want you to have to stay here alone!"
"Im not. She is going to bring me dry clothes and my rain gear and Im gonna go home tonight too."
So all is well. I climb into one of the questionable beds and snooze until my mom shows up. Dry clothing never felt so good. We stuff all our soaking wet stuff into garbage bags. Dad piles on the dry clothes and we head home. Luckily, the rain was fairly light, until we got within 5 miles of our town.
I was worried about weigh in, obviously. I made horrendous food choices at these greasy spoons we kept finding ourselves at. And I clocked no exercise this weekend. But I managed to lose .7
Hell yes. I will take it.
I went to look over all my little warriors posts...but I was extremely overwhelmed by the sheer number! So forgive me girls! Hope you all had fabulous weekends.
And WELCOME!!!
To my new readers B&Bs Mommy and kitan_akinlose!!! Thanks for choosing this windbag over the thousands of other windbags you could be following :)
X's and O's!
Mary
Friday was Vegas. Packed up. Boarded my plane. Touched down and hopped on the back of dads harley for the short trip to the Hard Rock, where we were staying. Awesome view.
We didnt have too much time before ACDC started, so we decided to head over to the MGM and grab some dinner. My dad let me pick where we ate, because he knows and supports me on WW. I see a chinese/japanese restaurant and we get seated. We both order and I was pretty good. I got a steak salad with asian veggies and thai chili dressing, a crunchy california roll and we split an order of potstickers. Everything was amazing. We headed over to the amphitheater and thoroughly enjoyed the concert. I mean, these guys are in their 70s and still ROCK THE SHIT out of that stage. This was my 3rd tour/4th concert Ive seen them at and they put on an amazing live show.
So, after the concert let out, we headed over to a 24 hour tattoo place. I got this.
Its the same quote my dad has on his arm. My dad and I havent always had the best relationship. But its getting better and we're both trying. I wanted him to know how important he is to me. Figured I do it with a tattoo :)
Head back to the Hard Rock around 1:30 am and get into bed, trying to get some rest for tomorrows ride.
We hit the ground running at 8 am Saturday morning. Three hours later we find ourself here, in Death Valley.
The road we were supposed to take is under heavy construction, so we decide to take a different road...which gets us fairly lost. We end up in Bishop, California. Grab a hotel room for the night and walk across the street to-another japanese restaurant. Lol. I ate terrible at lunch(BLT, Fries and 3 onion rings...) so I was much better at dinner. Only 8 points for the sushi I ordered. We were both exhausted, so we fell asleep by 8 o'clock.
6:30 am. I dont remember the last time I was up this early. Dads been watching the news and says we need to leave ASAP because a storm is moving in.
Great. I put on everything I own(which included my boxers and tank top I brought as pjs) and we head out. Its freezing.
Once we cross the sierras and get into the central valley, its not too bad. It warms up a bit and we are making fairly good time. We stop for lunch(fish and chips...man I make bad vacation food decisions!!) and call my mom. Who tells us its storming at home. Ugh. Not the greatest news we've been hit with...
We hit 152 and it is pouring. Buckets. The wind is 50+ mph. Im scared. Really scared. And soaking wet. I was wearing jeans, thermal underwear and boxers, as well as boots that hit me at the knee. They were drenched after 3 minutes in the down pour. There is a puddle in both of my boots. My rain jacket gives up about 20 minutes into the ride and I can feel water immediately soak my sweatshirt, thermal top and tank top. Right down to my bra. Im freezing. Im shaking so bad I though I was going to fall off the bike. We finally hit Gilroy, the biggest town in 40 miles or so and get a room at a shit motel. I have literally, no clothing to change into. I wore everything I brough with me. My hands are shaking so bad I couldnt take m helmet off. We blast the heater and my dad tells me to take a hot shower and he will take our wet clothes(He had a dry tank top and swim shorts in our pack) to the dryer. I turn on the shower. Cold. I run it for 10 minutes. Still cold. I was on the verge of tears.
I whip out my phone and log onto hotels.com. There is no freaking way we are staying here. I am just about to book a 180 dollar room at the ritziest place I can find when my dad gets off his phone. "Your mom is on her way with dry clothes. She is going to take you home." (Gilroy is about an hour away from home)
"I dont want you to have to stay here alone!"
"Im not. She is going to bring me dry clothes and my rain gear and Im gonna go home tonight too."
So all is well. I climb into one of the questionable beds and snooze until my mom shows up. Dry clothing never felt so good. We stuff all our soaking wet stuff into garbage bags. Dad piles on the dry clothes and we head home. Luckily, the rain was fairly light, until we got within 5 miles of our town.
I was worried about weigh in, obviously. I made horrendous food choices at these greasy spoons we kept finding ourselves at. And I clocked no exercise this weekend. But I managed to lose .7
Hell yes. I will take it.
I went to look over all my little warriors posts...but I was extremely overwhelmed by the sheer number! So forgive me girls! Hope you all had fabulous weekends.
And WELCOME!!!
To my new readers B&Bs Mommy and kitan_akinlose!!! Thanks for choosing this windbag over the thousands of other windbags you could be following :)
X's and O's!
Mary
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Mahalo.
My ever-inspiring blog-iverse sista Diz posed a question today. What are you thankful for. And I could go with the normal answers I have for this question(family, friends, roof over my head, etc) but I think Ill go with a little somethin different...
Things I Am Thankful For by Mary B.
1. I am thankful that my parents are on vacation. Not because I dont like being around them-quite the opposite. But they SO deserve one after all the stress they have been going through in the last couple months.
2. I am thankful for my daughters MP3 player, as well as our wii. Because we arent going anywhere on her spring break, she needs to be constantly entertained. And they are doing a great job.
3. Amazon Prime. You are shipping all my last minute stuff I need for my 3 day road trip on the back of a harley this weekend. Not only are you shipping it, but you are shipping it two day for free.
4. Having a washer and dryer in my garage. Because lugging around this volume of clothing/towels/linens would be really hard.
5. Only 7 new episodes left of Lost. Thank god. This show has stolen 6 years of my life. The ending better be FUCKING AMAZING.
6. Speaking of TV shows, Glee is back next week. Amazing show. If you dont watch, you should.
7. Strawberry whole fruit bars. 1 point each. You are amazing. Dont change.
I guess I'll stop here :)
Xo,
Mary
Things I Am Thankful For by Mary B.
1. I am thankful that my parents are on vacation. Not because I dont like being around them-quite the opposite. But they SO deserve one after all the stress they have been going through in the last couple months.
2. I am thankful for my daughters MP3 player, as well as our wii. Because we arent going anywhere on her spring break, she needs to be constantly entertained. And they are doing a great job.
3. Amazon Prime. You are shipping all my last minute stuff I need for my 3 day road trip on the back of a harley this weekend. Not only are you shipping it, but you are shipping it two day for free.
4. Having a washer and dryer in my garage. Because lugging around this volume of clothing/towels/linens would be really hard.
5. Only 7 new episodes left of Lost. Thank god. This show has stolen 6 years of my life. The ending better be FUCKING AMAZING.
6. Speaking of TV shows, Glee is back next week. Amazing show. If you dont watch, you should.
7. Strawberry whole fruit bars. 1 point each. You are amazing. Dont change.
I guess I'll stop here :)
Xo,
Mary
Monday, April 5, 2010
A funny thing happened on the way to nowhere...
Man, tonights walk was action packed!
Heres what happened on the 4 mile loop around my town.
Walking up a b*%$# of a hill, I get the worst side cramp ever. Im not used to these. Now, I knew that my pace was a tad faster then usual, but jesus! I stop and hold my side, waiting for the cramp to pass. And it did. But not in a usual way.
***It gets pretty graphic from here. If you have a weak stomach, turn away!***
All of a sudden, my stomach is doing double backsprings. And landing them sloppily, might I add. I am SO going to throw up. I look around. It happens to be garbage night on this street. I lurch over to a bin and rip the top off. Throw up for a good 40 seconds. Ugh. I feel terrrrrrrible. But what am I gonna do? I am about 1.75 miles away from my house and I dont have my cell.
Fortunately, I dont have time to think about that, as a woman comes screeching out of her house. "DID YOU JUST THROW UP INTO MY TRASH CAN"
I nod. "Yes."
"Whats wrong with you?"
I look at her incredulously. "Im obviously sick."
"Probably from all the liquor."
I am wearing a teeshirt, yoga pants and running shoes. I have my head phones on. Is this woman drunk?
"I promise you ma'am, I havent been drinking. I sincerely apologize if I offended you, but I figured it would be better to do it in a trash can rather then your driveway of bushes. Truly. Very sorry."
I start to walk away.
"Oh no you dont. You need to stay. The police are on their way."
Oh yeah. She is hammered. Either that or certifiable.
"Ma'am, I dont think I have committed a crime actually."
I left after she kicked over her own trash can.
The rest of the walk went off without incident :)
Heres what happened on the 4 mile loop around my town.
Walking up a b*%$# of a hill, I get the worst side cramp ever. Im not used to these. Now, I knew that my pace was a tad faster then usual, but jesus! I stop and hold my side, waiting for the cramp to pass. And it did. But not in a usual way.
***It gets pretty graphic from here. If you have a weak stomach, turn away!***
All of a sudden, my stomach is doing double backsprings. And landing them sloppily, might I add. I am SO going to throw up. I look around. It happens to be garbage night on this street. I lurch over to a bin and rip the top off. Throw up for a good 40 seconds. Ugh. I feel terrrrrrrible. But what am I gonna do? I am about 1.75 miles away from my house and I dont have my cell.
Fortunately, I dont have time to think about that, as a woman comes screeching out of her house. "DID YOU JUST THROW UP INTO MY TRASH CAN"
I nod. "Yes."
"Whats wrong with you?"
I look at her incredulously. "Im obviously sick."
"Probably from all the liquor."
I am wearing a teeshirt, yoga pants and running shoes. I have my head phones on. Is this woman drunk?
"I promise you ma'am, I havent been drinking. I sincerely apologize if I offended you, but I figured it would be better to do it in a trash can rather then your driveway of bushes. Truly. Very sorry."
I start to walk away.
"Oh no you dont. You need to stay. The police are on their way."
Oh yeah. She is hammered. Either that or certifiable.
"Ma'am, I dont think I have committed a crime actually."
I left after she kicked over her own trash can.
The rest of the walk went off without incident :)
The new link
On the top right hand side of my page is a link to a bunch of pictures of me through the years. Feel free to gawk. :)
Xo,
Mary
Xo,
Mary
Easter Dinner.
I made, with the help of my sister, chicken tacos for dinner. My parent are on vacation, so the siblings and I decided that instead of having lamb or ham(our usual easter fare)we would make the coveted chicken tacos. Its the one food I decided that I wouldnt limit myself on ever. They are far too good and I get them far too rarely. This was the first time since my birthday last year(in August) that we've had them. So, we fry up 120 of those bad boys and sit down to eat. OMG-heaven. Best thing I have ever put into my mouth.
And then I slept for 13 hours. Ugh. I am sincerely dreading stepping on the scale. But anything I gained was worth it!!! I regret nothing! Lol.
Happy Easter bbs!
Xo,
Mary
Update: I lost a pound! Holy crap! And not only did I lose a pound, but I am now in the 20s! 9 more pounds and I will be at my lowest weight in years! My goal for April is to get down to the teens!
And then I slept for 13 hours. Ugh. I am sincerely dreading stepping on the scale. But anything I gained was worth it!!! I regret nothing! Lol.
Happy Easter bbs!
Xo,
Mary
Update: I lost a pound! Holy crap! And not only did I lose a pound, but I am now in the 20s! 9 more pounds and I will be at my lowest weight in years! My goal for April is to get down to the teens!
Friday, April 2, 2010
x2
I know, for sure, that I overate yesterday. I was over at my moms(NO!) and my brother went grocery shopping(NO!) and brought back all sorts of goodies(NO!!) like potato chips(HELP! NO!) and steak taquitos(OMG! PLEASE NO!)
And on top of that, I ate dinner over there. It wasnt bad, points wise-we had flank steak, pesto and broccoli. But after consuming 1/4 of a bag of chips(yep. i cant even front...) I knew that I was way way over my points for the day.
So, I did what an self respecting, scale number obsessive, walking junkie would do. I threw on my ipod and went out for a walk.
Earlier in the day, I clocked my normal 4 mile loop around my town with my girl, Melissa.
It was freezing last night. And I have come to realize that leggings do not take the place of exercise pants. Leggings are *this close* to being tights. Great for warm summer night strolls. Not so much for brink-of-rain-40-knot-gale-winds weather.
Anyway. I get my groove going and finish my walk before 10. Crawl into bed. Check facebook. Put my sleep timer on. Promptly pass out.
Fast forward to 7:36 am. I kick the covers off me and wince. Holy crap my hip joints are ON FIRE. I lay in bed, trying in futility to convince myself I just moved wrong. My body is laughing at me. "You know what you did wrong...and now we're gonna make you pay for it."
And it is. Two icy hot patches on either side of hips, 800mg of motrin and I am still in bed(after dropping boo off to school) Holy moly. Im breaking in my Step Ups today. This is ridiculous!
On the subject of my over-eating yesterday, I ate and ate and ate and didnt feel full. Until I did, and then I wanted to kill myself. It hit me like a ton of bricks! I forgot how much I hate that feeling, because I havent had it in a while.
Satiated=warm fuzzies.
Full=Im going to throw up on you. Will you still love me?
Im gonna wait until later on to get my walk in. Hopefully it doesnt rain. Becuase as tough as I am, I aint walking in the rain with strep. Hear that weather?! Dont do it!
WELCOME!!!!
To my newest reader-AMBERLY!!!
Kick back hon and get comfortable. Its gonna be a loooong ride! :) Thanks for following!
Xo,
Mary
And on top of that, I ate dinner over there. It wasnt bad, points wise-we had flank steak, pesto and broccoli. But after consuming 1/4 of a bag of chips(yep. i cant even front...) I knew that I was way way over my points for the day.
So, I did what an self respecting, scale number obsessive, walking junkie would do. I threw on my ipod and went out for a walk.
Earlier in the day, I clocked my normal 4 mile loop around my town with my girl, Melissa.
It was freezing last night. And I have come to realize that leggings do not take the place of exercise pants. Leggings are *this close* to being tights. Great for warm summer night strolls. Not so much for brink-of-rain-40-knot-gale-winds weather.
Anyway. I get my groove going and finish my walk before 10. Crawl into bed. Check facebook. Put my sleep timer on. Promptly pass out.
Fast forward to 7:36 am. I kick the covers off me and wince. Holy crap my hip joints are ON FIRE. I lay in bed, trying in futility to convince myself I just moved wrong. My body is laughing at me. "You know what you did wrong...and now we're gonna make you pay for it."
And it is. Two icy hot patches on either side of hips, 800mg of motrin and I am still in bed(after dropping boo off to school) Holy moly. Im breaking in my Step Ups today. This is ridiculous!
On the subject of my over-eating yesterday, I ate and ate and ate and didnt feel full. Until I did, and then I wanted to kill myself. It hit me like a ton of bricks! I forgot how much I hate that feeling, because I havent had it in a while.
Satiated=warm fuzzies.
Full=Im going to throw up on you. Will you still love me?
Im gonna wait until later on to get my walk in. Hopefully it doesnt rain. Becuase as tough as I am, I aint walking in the rain with strep. Hear that weather?! Dont do it!
WELCOME!!!!
To my newest reader-AMBERLY!!!
Kick back hon and get comfortable. Its gonna be a loooong ride! :) Thanks for following!
Xo,
Mary
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