I do a lot of 2 steppin. My entire life, I have let the 2 step defeat me. I am working hard and the weight is coming off. True, not in the mass quantities that I would like. But I need to remind myself that it took 26 years to put this on. I can stick it out a year to take it off. And I wasnt as on it last week as I should have been. I cheated and snuck"tastes" of a lot of foods. And I still lost. I cant let my weight loss affect my mood this much. I am making better food choices and walking 6 times a week. If nothing else, even if I dont lose another pound, I have made a change that I hope to be long lasting. I just want to be able to live for my daughter. I want my health problems to be less severe. So I need to keep in mind that its not always the number that counts. Its the changes I see and the decisions I make.
I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend.
I will be cheating tonight and enjoy my dads fat laden BBQ shrimp...which I dont feel bad about at all :)
Xo,
Mary
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Lost.
Im feeling very lost and didnt want my shitty mood to affect anyone else. Will post again when I have pulled myself outta this funk.
Xo,
Mary
Xo,
Mary
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Dear Body...
That number on the scale I just saw at the doctors office BETTER not be the number I have to write down for tomorrows weigh in. Get it together.
Love Always,
Mary
Love Always,
Mary
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Obsession. And Not The Kind By Calvin Klein.
Weight Watchers is training me to be obsessed with anything I put into my mouth. Again, I find myself constantly anxious about what Im eating and how Im going to spread points out through the day. Last night, I went to beer pong, but didnt really enjoy myself. I was worried about counting out points and keeping track of exactly how many ounces of beer I was drinking. I usually end up with anywhere between 10 to 12 points for dinner. But I knew I was going to have to save those points for BP. Im thinking of just giving it up. Going once in a blue moon. I went because it was something I enjoyed and I totally dont enjoy it anymore. I dont really enjoy myself on the weekends anymore because I am busy counting points when I go out with friends. I hope that it becomes easier when its just second nature to count them, because right now-its taking a heavy emotional toll on me.
Still walking in the northern california rain...
Xo,
Mary
Still walking in the northern california rain...
Xo,
Mary
Monday, January 25, 2010
A new week. Even though technically, my week starts Friday.
I think I need to change my weigh ins to monday. Having my week start friday is just throwing me off.
Im the kind of girl who follows the rule "I can resist anything, except temptation" It really is a slippery slope.
Friday, I planned on staying home because I knew I had a surprise birthday party at a bar to attend and if I was gonna mess up, I would rather mess up then. (Awesome thought process, I know) But, my friend, the Marine, called and convinced me to come karaoke with him. So I drive over to this hole in the wall place. I had 12 points left for the day so I figured if I wanted to throw a couple back, I could.
4 1/2 hours later...Ive only had three beers. We part ways. I drive home, feeling very accomplished. I was able to stick to my points while in a bar. Whoo hoo!
Saturday. While in the shower, I contemplated my game strategy. I made a date with my best friend, her mother in law, aunt in law and grandma in law for lunch. Stina, who knows I am on weight watchers, picked a place and I went online to look at the menu so I could stragorize(lol..yeah I make up words) what I could eat. Most bang for your buck kind of situation. Stinas MIL decided she wanted to take us someplace and surprise us. F*&k. The last time we went out to lunch(in October...way before WW) I had a spicy chicken sandwich, garlic fries, fried artichoke hearts and about half a plate of calamari.(I told you, I LOVE calamari)
I daydreamed of the horror I would be in when I realized that I just wouldnt be able to stay on track. Me...drowning in a river of blue cheese dressing. Someone tosses me a onion ring to stay afloat. Aw crap! Not an onion ring...! Noooooooooo!!!! Have mercy on me!
We reach the restaurant. Squat and Gobble. Oh. I know this place. John and I used to eat breakfast here on the regular. They serve pretty healthy food.
I opt for the crab salad. Low on points. Hopefully. And while the other ladies got sandwiches and french fries, french onion soup and lemonades. I sipped on my water and hoped that my salad would satisfy my hunger...and that I wouldnt reach for someones fries.
Cue the food. A mountain of a salad is placed in front of me. Holy crap. It would have brought a tear to any weight watchers eye. Didnt have to eat off anyone elses plate. Thank the lord. And the salad ended up costing me about 7 points. WELL worth it.
We ate lunch fairly late(around 2) so I was hoping to get by with just that meal(I know...bad plan) before heading to the birthday party. Alas, I finally broke down around 6 and had a can of soup and some crackers. 6 more points.
Im ready and heading to the bar with a cool 17 points to spend. Hurray! We surprise Nick(happy birthday Nick!) and then start to drink. And man, can that group of people drink. I mean, his uncle purchased a shot of tequila for everyone. And there was about 30 of us.
So the drinks are flowing. Everyone is buying someone else a shot, a beer, a drink. "Hey! Its been too long! Lets take a shot!" "Hey remember that time that Matt chugged that bottle of goldschlogger? Matt, come take this shot!"
You get the gist.
I showed amazing restraint. We were there from 7:30-2:00 am and I managed to walk away unscathed. 4 beers and 2 shots. Bring my grand total to 23 points for the night. Man. I could have a snack when I got home if I wanted to.
Sunday.
Oh sunday.
My best friends house. Football. BBQ. Mimosas. Shots. Chips and dip, Pizza.
Help me. help me. Help me.
Now, calculating last night, I managed to walk away with one point left. But...I just remembered I had that slice of cheese pizza. Damn it! Maybe thats okay though. I had 3 mimosas...which we serve in keg cups in that household. But I know I over counted for those. The cups are 12 oz and I counted each mimosa as 9 oz. champagne and 8 oz orange juice. So maybe Im okay.
Back to the grind.
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!
Xo,
Mary
Ps. THANK YOU(!!!!!) Heather for my award. You are such a sweetheart!
Im the kind of girl who follows the rule "I can resist anything, except temptation" It really is a slippery slope.
Friday, I planned on staying home because I knew I had a surprise birthday party at a bar to attend and if I was gonna mess up, I would rather mess up then. (Awesome thought process, I know) But, my friend, the Marine, called and convinced me to come karaoke with him. So I drive over to this hole in the wall place. I had 12 points left for the day so I figured if I wanted to throw a couple back, I could.
4 1/2 hours later...Ive only had three beers. We part ways. I drive home, feeling very accomplished. I was able to stick to my points while in a bar. Whoo hoo!
Saturday. While in the shower, I contemplated my game strategy. I made a date with my best friend, her mother in law, aunt in law and grandma in law for lunch. Stina, who knows I am on weight watchers, picked a place and I went online to look at the menu so I could stragorize(lol..yeah I make up words) what I could eat. Most bang for your buck kind of situation. Stinas MIL decided she wanted to take us someplace and surprise us. F*&k. The last time we went out to lunch(in October...way before WW) I had a spicy chicken sandwich, garlic fries, fried artichoke hearts and about half a plate of calamari.(I told you, I LOVE calamari)
I daydreamed of the horror I would be in when I realized that I just wouldnt be able to stay on track. Me...drowning in a river of blue cheese dressing. Someone tosses me a onion ring to stay afloat. Aw crap! Not an onion ring...! Noooooooooo!!!! Have mercy on me!
We reach the restaurant. Squat and Gobble. Oh. I know this place. John and I used to eat breakfast here on the regular. They serve pretty healthy food.
I opt for the crab salad. Low on points. Hopefully. And while the other ladies got sandwiches and french fries, french onion soup and lemonades. I sipped on my water and hoped that my salad would satisfy my hunger...and that I wouldnt reach for someones fries.
Cue the food. A mountain of a salad is placed in front of me. Holy crap. It would have brought a tear to any weight watchers eye. Didnt have to eat off anyone elses plate. Thank the lord. And the salad ended up costing me about 7 points. WELL worth it.
We ate lunch fairly late(around 2) so I was hoping to get by with just that meal(I know...bad plan) before heading to the birthday party. Alas, I finally broke down around 6 and had a can of soup and some crackers. 6 more points.
Im ready and heading to the bar with a cool 17 points to spend. Hurray! We surprise Nick(happy birthday Nick!) and then start to drink. And man, can that group of people drink. I mean, his uncle purchased a shot of tequila for everyone. And there was about 30 of us.
So the drinks are flowing. Everyone is buying someone else a shot, a beer, a drink. "Hey! Its been too long! Lets take a shot!" "Hey remember that time that Matt chugged that bottle of goldschlogger? Matt, come take this shot!"
You get the gist.
I showed amazing restraint. We were there from 7:30-2:00 am and I managed to walk away unscathed. 4 beers and 2 shots. Bring my grand total to 23 points for the night. Man. I could have a snack when I got home if I wanted to.
Sunday.
Oh sunday.
My best friends house. Football. BBQ. Mimosas. Shots. Chips and dip, Pizza.
Help me. help me. Help me.
Now, calculating last night, I managed to walk away with one point left. But...I just remembered I had that slice of cheese pizza. Damn it! Maybe thats okay though. I had 3 mimosas...which we serve in keg cups in that household. But I know I over counted for those. The cups are 12 oz and I counted each mimosa as 9 oz. champagne and 8 oz orange juice. So maybe Im okay.
Back to the grind.
Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!
Xo,
Mary
Ps. THANK YOU(!!!!!) Heather for my award. You are such a sweetheart!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Doin' it in the rain...
Walking that is. It supposed to rain for the next 8 days straight. And you guys know, as well as I do, I dont do well exercising at home. So, I threw on my sweatshirt, cross trainers and iPod shuffle and grabbed an umbrella. Walking my trail, I was completely alone. It alternated between light and medium showers, except for a 2 minute downpour. My legs were absolutely freezing(I wear capri leggings/work out pants. Im tall...its hard to find long pants that fit correctly), but I felt good finishing. Went home and had to peel the socks off. They were soaking wet. Which was weird, because I didnt feel them. Good thing or bad thing? Anyway, Im thinking about walking again tonight. At night, Ive found myself with extra energy, which in turn makes it hard to sleep. I just wanna jog out a mile and pass out!
Y'know, I never realized before I started writing this blog...but I think I have anxiety problems. I think Ive mentioned my unusually high anxiety levels half a dozen times in this blog already. And Im about to mention it again. Im anxious about tomorrows weigh in. I weighed myself today (Olivia and Candy...forgive me! Lol)When I saw the number, the feeling went through the roof. And I know its not ones fault but my own. This weight loss journey isnt the first time Ive experienced anxiety. Actually, for a two year stretch, about 2 years back, I was regularly experiencing terrible anxiety attacks. Mostly in crowded places. One time, they got some bad, it reduced me to crying on the floor of a stall in a bar bathroom; I couldnt calm myself down and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. And granted, the anxiety I feel is nothing like the attacks I was experiencing...but Id like to nip it in the bud before it blows up.
Alright. Enough about my multitude of problems. This weekend will be interesting. I have a surprise birthday party at a bar to go to and then a dinner over at a friends house on Sunday.
Deep breaths :)
Xo,
Mary
Y'know, I never realized before I started writing this blog...but I think I have anxiety problems. I think Ive mentioned my unusually high anxiety levels half a dozen times in this blog already. And Im about to mention it again. Im anxious about tomorrows weigh in. I weighed myself today (Olivia and Candy...forgive me! Lol)When I saw the number, the feeling went through the roof. And I know its not ones fault but my own. This weight loss journey isnt the first time Ive experienced anxiety. Actually, for a two year stretch, about 2 years back, I was regularly experiencing terrible anxiety attacks. Mostly in crowded places. One time, they got some bad, it reduced me to crying on the floor of a stall in a bar bathroom; I couldnt calm myself down and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. And granted, the anxiety I feel is nothing like the attacks I was experiencing...but Id like to nip it in the bud before it blows up.
Alright. Enough about my multitude of problems. This weekend will be interesting. I have a surprise birthday party at a bar to go to and then a dinner over at a friends house on Sunday.
Deep breaths :)
Xo,
Mary
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Even God Rested One Day.
So, I have walked(or played kickball!) everyday this week. And I was really antsy to take a walk today. But it rained and rained and rained until about an hour ago. Im still thinking about maybe trying to get a mile in or so.
I find myself left with feelings of inadequacy and failure when I dont walk. Even when I did the fitness tv videos the other day, I still felt that way. Rest isnt a bad thing. But then again, neither is wanting to walk every day.
In case anyone was wondering(or keeping track,lol) I made up the points. I know I shouldnt have...I should have just let my bad day go and started over the next day. But I know myself. And I know that if I dont lose weight this week, so early in my journey...well, lets just say that I dont do well with disappointment. :/
Does anyone know of a machine that works out the abs without me being on my back. I just cant do it. Like, medically. Let me know :)
Happy hump day guys!
Xo,
Mary
I find myself left with feelings of inadequacy and failure when I dont walk. Even when I did the fitness tv videos the other day, I still felt that way. Rest isnt a bad thing. But then again, neither is wanting to walk every day.
In case anyone was wondering(or keeping track,lol) I made up the points. I know I shouldnt have...I should have just let my bad day go and started over the next day. But I know myself. And I know that if I dont lose weight this week, so early in my journey...well, lets just say that I dont do well with disappointment. :/
Does anyone know of a machine that works out the abs without me being on my back. I just cant do it. Like, medically. Let me know :)
Happy hump day guys!
Xo,
Mary
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Avoiding the hail
WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME to my new followers- Anne, Ten20Six and Bowmanh!!! Thanks for joining the party!
Quick post today. I promise not to be AS long winded as I usually am.
First off, Katie J and Miss Chunky Chick both awarded me this little beauty.
Thank you ladies. I enjoy your blogs just as much as you enjoy mine!
Now, the rules for this award are to list 10 things that make me happy and try to do at least one today, as well as tag 10 other bloggers. As I realized with the Beautiful Blogger award, I am unable to post links on my page(no idea why...neither do blogger tech support. So as soon as I get that figured out, I promise to link :) Although, I reall do think all my girls are fantastic!!
Alright, 10 things that make me happy...in no particular order:
1. Cuddling with my daughter...especially when she lets me pick what we're gonna watch
2. Family dinners at moms house.
3. Moms chicken tacos. If I had to choose between being instantly thin, but having to give up those tacos for good, the tacos would win. Yeah. They are that good.
4. Kissing in the rain
5. Parties with my friends.
6. The drive between SF and Madera on warm days when I can roll down my windows, punch it to 90 and sing at the top of my lungs
7. Every year for my birthday, my Auntie Corrie, and cousins Amanda and Peter, call me to sing me happy birthday. I dont know why its so important to me, but it is
8. Taking pictures of everyone, everything, everywhere.
9. Taking care of people.
10. Camping.
Now you know a little bit more about moi :)
Last night it was pouring, thunder and lightning. It continued on and off all day. I hated the thought of not being able to walk. I was anxious. I turned on fitness tv and complete Cardioke, which I think is super fun to do. I started doing some hip hop exercise one, but it was super boring and the woman was so off beat, I gave up. I turned on a disco one and the girl went SUPER fast. Im better off just turning on music and dancing. All in all, did about 35 minutes of cardio. I was bummed.
After work, something amazing happened. There was blue sky. I jumped into my running shoes and hightailed 4 miles around the city. Jumped back into my car and made it just in time to pick up my daughter. Got her into the car...and the heavens openned up again, spewing water and hail all over my car.
Talk about a sign!
Someone up there wants me to get fit just as much as I do! Lol
So, to reward myself I am having a burrito. 10 points. Its gonna be SO good!!
Hope everyone is doing excellent.
Xo,
Mary
Quick post today. I promise not to be AS long winded as I usually am.
First off, Katie J and Miss Chunky Chick both awarded me this little beauty.
Thank you ladies. I enjoy your blogs just as much as you enjoy mine!
Now, the rules for this award are to list 10 things that make me happy and try to do at least one today, as well as tag 10 other bloggers. As I realized with the Beautiful Blogger award, I am unable to post links on my page(no idea why...neither do blogger tech support. So as soon as I get that figured out, I promise to link :) Although, I reall do think all my girls are fantastic!!
Alright, 10 things that make me happy...in no particular order:
1. Cuddling with my daughter...especially when she lets me pick what we're gonna watch
2. Family dinners at moms house.
3. Moms chicken tacos. If I had to choose between being instantly thin, but having to give up those tacos for good, the tacos would win. Yeah. They are that good.
4. Kissing in the rain
5. Parties with my friends.
6. The drive between SF and Madera on warm days when I can roll down my windows, punch it to 90 and sing at the top of my lungs
7. Every year for my birthday, my Auntie Corrie, and cousins Amanda and Peter, call me to sing me happy birthday. I dont know why its so important to me, but it is
8. Taking pictures of everyone, everything, everywhere.
9. Taking care of people.
10. Camping.
Now you know a little bit more about moi :)
Last night it was pouring, thunder and lightning. It continued on and off all day. I hated the thought of not being able to walk. I was anxious. I turned on fitness tv and complete Cardioke, which I think is super fun to do. I started doing some hip hop exercise one, but it was super boring and the woman was so off beat, I gave up. I turned on a disco one and the girl went SUPER fast. Im better off just turning on music and dancing. All in all, did about 35 minutes of cardio. I was bummed.
After work, something amazing happened. There was blue sky. I jumped into my running shoes and hightailed 4 miles around the city. Jumped back into my car and made it just in time to pick up my daughter. Got her into the car...and the heavens openned up again, spewing water and hail all over my car.
Talk about a sign!
Someone up there wants me to get fit just as much as I do! Lol
So, to reward myself I am having a burrito. 10 points. Its gonna be SO good!!
Hope everyone is doing excellent.
Xo,
Mary
Monday, January 18, 2010
I lost the battle for the ice cream sandwich.
Today was better.
THANK GOD.
I woke up determined to get my 4 miles in even if it was raining(which it was) and to try and only eat 1/3 of my points...at the most.
So, I drove over to my moms and dropped the rugrat off so I could get my walk in. I checked weather.com hour by hour forecast. It said it was gonna be light showers and heavy wind. F-it. Im still going. And surprisingly, it didnt rain the entire time I walked. Although, the wind almost blew me over-no easy feat. So it took me a little longer to get it done today. As long as I did it right? My leg is still killing me. Ugh. I guess I will call the doctor.
Like I said in last post, I love vegetables. I never had a problem, even as a child eating them. But holy shit. I ate a salad for lunch. I miss blue cheese salad dressing. I sometimes feel like the vinegar is going to eat a hole through my stomach. I didnt bother with olive oil because I didnt want to spend 4 points for a lousy tablespoon. My frustration level was high. I broke down and ate a 3 point pringles snack.
So we're at 3 points.
I figure, 7 points is a decent dinner. I can have a steak or chicken breast on my salad(*sigh* vingarette...) and maybe sneak in a ice cream sandwich. Yay.
I come home and immediately start munching on beef jerky. Damn you beef jerky! Im glad your almost gone!
3+2=5
5 points?! I can say goodbye to my ice cream sandwich. Or my steak(i forgot...we dont have any chicken...)
I mull it over for a while...while staring into my freezer at the ice cream sandwich.
No steak tonight.
Ice cream wins.
So, I steam an entire package of artichoke hearts and about 1/3 of a huge bag of broccoli.
While waiting for that to be done, I throw a WW ravioli into the microwave. It comes out, I plop down and finish watching intervention. I go to check on the veggies.
I realize what Ive done.
3+2+5=10.
DAMN IT! ICE CREAM!?!
I cant believe I did that. I ate an entire tray of raviolis without so much as a thought to my beloved ice cream sandwiches.
Dejected, I sat down and ate my veggies with my daughter, who ate hers with macaroni and cheese and a hot dog. Its embarrassing how things I never even wanted to eat(MacAndCheese) before can make me salivate now.
So now, I am sitting in my room, loathing the fact I cant have my ice cream sandwich.
Also, I worked out, roughly, how much my lumpia binge cost me last night.
Fifty. Six. Fucking. Points.
I am banging my head against the wall as we speak.
Thats almost two entire days of points. And the kicker was, I also had that cheesecake! I must have eaten 70 points yesterday. So now, I feel like I have to make up that deficit of 40 points. 20 of those I did today.
Tomorrow, however, I agreed to go to beer pong. Which means I wont be able to make it up tomorrow, but I have to be careful tomorrow as well not to go over again so that I wont have to add more points back to the deficit.
The deficit is killing me. I created a monster!
Hope, sincerely, that everyone else is on track and doing great!
Until tomorrow :)
Xo,
Mary.
(I guess the CC thing is really confusing people! Lol)
THANK GOD.
I woke up determined to get my 4 miles in even if it was raining(which it was) and to try and only eat 1/3 of my points...at the most.
So, I drove over to my moms and dropped the rugrat off so I could get my walk in. I checked weather.com hour by hour forecast. It said it was gonna be light showers and heavy wind. F-it. Im still going. And surprisingly, it didnt rain the entire time I walked. Although, the wind almost blew me over-no easy feat. So it took me a little longer to get it done today. As long as I did it right? My leg is still killing me. Ugh. I guess I will call the doctor.
Like I said in last post, I love vegetables. I never had a problem, even as a child eating them. But holy shit. I ate a salad for lunch. I miss blue cheese salad dressing. I sometimes feel like the vinegar is going to eat a hole through my stomach. I didnt bother with olive oil because I didnt want to spend 4 points for a lousy tablespoon. My frustration level was high. I broke down and ate a 3 point pringles snack.
So we're at 3 points.
I figure, 7 points is a decent dinner. I can have a steak or chicken breast on my salad(*sigh* vingarette...) and maybe sneak in a ice cream sandwich. Yay.
I come home and immediately start munching on beef jerky. Damn you beef jerky! Im glad your almost gone!
3+2=5
5 points?! I can say goodbye to my ice cream sandwich. Or my steak(i forgot...we dont have any chicken...)
I mull it over for a while...while staring into my freezer at the ice cream sandwich.
No steak tonight.
Ice cream wins.
So, I steam an entire package of artichoke hearts and about 1/3 of a huge bag of broccoli.
While waiting for that to be done, I throw a WW ravioli into the microwave. It comes out, I plop down and finish watching intervention. I go to check on the veggies.
I realize what Ive done.
3+2+5=10.
DAMN IT! ICE CREAM!?!
I cant believe I did that. I ate an entire tray of raviolis without so much as a thought to my beloved ice cream sandwiches.
Dejected, I sat down and ate my veggies with my daughter, who ate hers with macaroni and cheese and a hot dog. Its embarrassing how things I never even wanted to eat(MacAndCheese) before can make me salivate now.
So now, I am sitting in my room, loathing the fact I cant have my ice cream sandwich.
Also, I worked out, roughly, how much my lumpia binge cost me last night.
Fifty. Six. Fucking. Points.
I am banging my head against the wall as we speak.
Thats almost two entire days of points. And the kicker was, I also had that cheesecake! I must have eaten 70 points yesterday. So now, I feel like I have to make up that deficit of 40 points. 20 of those I did today.
Tomorrow, however, I agreed to go to beer pong. Which means I wont be able to make it up tomorrow, but I have to be careful tomorrow as well not to go over again so that I wont have to add more points back to the deficit.
The deficit is killing me. I created a monster!
Hope, sincerely, that everyone else is on track and doing great!
Until tomorrow :)
Xo,
Mary.
(I guess the CC thing is really confusing people! Lol)
And the funk continues.
Ugh. I cant seem to get myself to snap out of it. I walked a measly 1.25 miles today. Inside. On a treadmill. I will never do that again. Way to easy to look over at the bed and want to crawl into it. Seriously, never again.
And the food. Oh my dear god. I dont even know what to say. Id love to make an excuse for myself. But there isnt one. I ate emotionally today and Im smarter then that. I ate a 14 point piece of cheesecake for god sakes! I had lumpia for dinner! I usually love lumpia...but it wasnt that good. And I ate it anyway for the sake of eating it.
I plan on eating nothing but 0 point foods(thank god I love veggies) tomorrow. Maybe some beef jerky...its only 2 points. I just want to make up for the rampage I went on today.
On a better note, it looks like we're gonna get the house we wanted. Its closer to Kylies school and both my parents and his parents houses. So that will be good. It will take me 3 minutes to get her to school in the morning, instead of 20-25.
I hope to be in a better mood in the morning after getting back on schedule. Even if its pouring...Im still walkin.
Until tomorrow.
Xo,
CC
Ps. For those of you who have emailed me asking-my name is Mary :) CC stands for Curvy Conundrum!
And the food. Oh my dear god. I dont even know what to say. Id love to make an excuse for myself. But there isnt one. I ate emotionally today and Im smarter then that. I ate a 14 point piece of cheesecake for god sakes! I had lumpia for dinner! I usually love lumpia...but it wasnt that good. And I ate it anyway for the sake of eating it.
I plan on eating nothing but 0 point foods(thank god I love veggies) tomorrow. Maybe some beef jerky...its only 2 points. I just want to make up for the rampage I went on today.
On a better note, it looks like we're gonna get the house we wanted. Its closer to Kylies school and both my parents and his parents houses. So that will be good. It will take me 3 minutes to get her to school in the morning, instead of 20-25.
I hope to be in a better mood in the morning after getting back on schedule. Even if its pouring...Im still walkin.
Until tomorrow.
Xo,
CC
Ps. For those of you who have emailed me asking-my name is Mary :) CC stands for Curvy Conundrum!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
MySpace.
Im feeling very weird. Im not usually a sad person. There is a lot in life that I have to be thankful for! But this weekend left me feeling very strange.
Friday night.
After consuming quite a bit of alcohol(I think I stayed under my points...I think...) I decided what better time to have a 3 am conversation about "where we are" with the guy I have been hooking up with for the last year and some change. Even though I know where we are. We cant date each other for some very complicated reasons. And I knew that going in. And we have managed to keep a pretty low profile. But I keep having to hear about other females that he is hooking up with. Now, a wise girl would say "I dont need this" and walk away. Which is what I should do. But I care a lot about him. And I knew getting into this quasi-relationship how this would end up. Im assuming from an outsiders perspective, this is gonna look really bad. Usually, it doesnt bother me. We have an amazing time when we are together. He doesnt even look at other girls when we are around each other. I know he cares about me, he tells me often. We just cant date. It weighs on me heavily sometimes. Friday night was one of those nights.
Saturday.
Waking up in a funk...as well as hungover...sucked. But I dragged my ass outta bed, went home and changed. I headed off to my best friends birthday kickball-bbq-booze extravaganza. And I didnt drink! I didnt really eat either...I stuck to the chips and salsa because everything else was creamy, fatty, or sugary goodness. Played kickball for 3 hours and I am a lot sorer(more sore?) then I thought I would be. Went over to the hospital to meet my new nephew who is absolutely perfect. Came home to change for the "S" themed party I was supposed to be going to. Then I got a call from my friend Kevin. Who proceeded to tell me, extremely inebriated, that he was planning on killing himself.
I freak out. Obviously. But keep calm and just talk to him about all the pros and cons about this plan he's got. Kevin is a Marine. He got back from a 14 month stint in Iraq about 6 weeks ago. Since he has been home, his girlfriend of a year broke up with him and his brother actually tried to commit suicide, which Kevin stopped, thank god.
So we are texting back and forth for about 2 hours. I tell him I am coming over so we can talk. He agrees. I drive the half hour in the rain to his spot and call him. No answer. I knock on his door. No answer. I freak out. More. What am I supposed to do? Walking back to my car, I notice that my ex's truck is parked across the street from Kevs house. I call him.
"Are you with Kevin?"
"Uh. Yeah"
"Where are you?"
"We're drinking and playing video games. Why?"
I hang up. Pissed. I dont know what to think. I drive home. Take off my soldier costume. Text Suzanne and apologize for flaking on her party. I go a little crazy foodwise-I had a chicken nugget and a bite of a chicken sandwich and I didnt track my points at all yesterday. Then sleep. For 11 hours.
Sunday.
Still in my funk. Im texting Kevin as Im writing this and he hasnt mentioned killing himself or last night for that matter. So thats good. Im still wicked pissed though. Who does that to a friend? And its pouring rain. So it looks like Im heading over to moms to jump on the tredmill for a while. Im pretty sore from kickball yesterday, but Im ready to get back on my horse and ride.
Hope you are all having a fantastic weekend!
Xo,
CC
Friday night.
After consuming quite a bit of alcohol(I think I stayed under my points...I think...) I decided what better time to have a 3 am conversation about "where we are" with the guy I have been hooking up with for the last year and some change. Even though I know where we are. We cant date each other for some very complicated reasons. And I knew that going in. And we have managed to keep a pretty low profile. But I keep having to hear about other females that he is hooking up with. Now, a wise girl would say "I dont need this" and walk away. Which is what I should do. But I care a lot about him. And I knew getting into this quasi-relationship how this would end up. Im assuming from an outsiders perspective, this is gonna look really bad. Usually, it doesnt bother me. We have an amazing time when we are together. He doesnt even look at other girls when we are around each other. I know he cares about me, he tells me often. We just cant date. It weighs on me heavily sometimes. Friday night was one of those nights.
Saturday.
Waking up in a funk...as well as hungover...sucked. But I dragged my ass outta bed, went home and changed. I headed off to my best friends birthday kickball-bbq-booze extravaganza. And I didnt drink! I didnt really eat either...I stuck to the chips and salsa because everything else was creamy, fatty, or sugary goodness. Played kickball for 3 hours and I am a lot sorer(more sore?) then I thought I would be. Went over to the hospital to meet my new nephew who is absolutely perfect. Came home to change for the "S" themed party I was supposed to be going to. Then I got a call from my friend Kevin. Who proceeded to tell me, extremely inebriated, that he was planning on killing himself.
I freak out. Obviously. But keep calm and just talk to him about all the pros and cons about this plan he's got. Kevin is a Marine. He got back from a 14 month stint in Iraq about 6 weeks ago. Since he has been home, his girlfriend of a year broke up with him and his brother actually tried to commit suicide, which Kevin stopped, thank god.
So we are texting back and forth for about 2 hours. I tell him I am coming over so we can talk. He agrees. I drive the half hour in the rain to his spot and call him. No answer. I knock on his door. No answer. I freak out. More. What am I supposed to do? Walking back to my car, I notice that my ex's truck is parked across the street from Kevs house. I call him.
"Are you with Kevin?"
"Uh. Yeah"
"Where are you?"
"We're drinking and playing video games. Why?"
I hang up. Pissed. I dont know what to think. I drive home. Take off my soldier costume. Text Suzanne and apologize for flaking on her party. I go a little crazy foodwise-I had a chicken nugget and a bite of a chicken sandwich and I didnt track my points at all yesterday. Then sleep. For 11 hours.
Sunday.
Still in my funk. Im texting Kevin as Im writing this and he hasnt mentioned killing himself or last night for that matter. So thats good. Im still wicked pissed though. Who does that to a friend? And its pouring rain. So it looks like Im heading over to moms to jump on the tredmill for a while. Im pretty sore from kickball yesterday, but Im ready to get back on my horse and ride.
Hope you are all having a fantastic weekend!
Xo,
CC
Friday, January 15, 2010
Down.
But in the most awesome way possible.
I lost 5 pounds this week.
Excuse my language but
FUCK YEAH!!!!!
That puts me well over the 6.6 mark I was trying to hit for January. Im excited! Im motivated! This work is actually paying off!
I do need to keep in mind that not every weigh in, or even every month for that matter, will be as good as this one. And thats okay.
But this first month has been so awesome!
tee hee. anyways.
Did my trail today. But my leg is still killing me. I tried starting off really slowly. And it still didnt help. It starts to relax after a while, like around 1.5 mark. But the first 1.5 is really bad. Like "I want to turn around and go home" bad. I push through it every day. And at first, I thought it might be that my body was just getting used to walking that far. Its been 2 weeks and it still kills. How many people vote I should see a doctor?
I have only eaten 7 points today. Impressive. Still gearing up for tomorrows debauchery...
After stepping out of the shower today, I realized reason 486 for wanting to lose weight...I would love love LOVE if regular bath towels(NOT beach towels) could be wrapped around my body. I have been using a beach towel for at least 12 years...
Happy weekend yall. Love!!!
Xo,
CC
I lost 5 pounds this week.
Excuse my language but
FUCK YEAH!!!!!
That puts me well over the 6.6 mark I was trying to hit for January. Im excited! Im motivated! This work is actually paying off!
I do need to keep in mind that not every weigh in, or even every month for that matter, will be as good as this one. And thats okay.
But this first month has been so awesome!
tee hee. anyways.
Did my trail today. But my leg is still killing me. I tried starting off really slowly. And it still didnt help. It starts to relax after a while, like around 1.5 mark. But the first 1.5 is really bad. Like "I want to turn around and go home" bad. I push through it every day. And at first, I thought it might be that my body was just getting used to walking that far. Its been 2 weeks and it still kills. How many people vote I should see a doctor?
I have only eaten 7 points today. Impressive. Still gearing up for tomorrows debauchery...
After stepping out of the shower today, I realized reason 486 for wanting to lose weight...I would love love LOVE if regular bath towels(NOT beach towels) could be wrapped around my body. I have been using a beach towel for at least 12 years...
Happy weekend yall. Love!!!
Xo,
CC
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Full.
For the first time since I started WW, I actually feel full!
I found this beef jerky that is only 2 points for an ounce, which is actually a pretty decent amount of jerky. And its good! I also stocked up on WW Chocolate chip cookie dough deserts(mmmm) and decided to try Skinny Cow CookiesNCreme Ice Cream Sandwiches. Soooooo glad I did. Just finished one and they are delicious. And the same amount as the WW deserts(3 points)
Afraid of weigh in tomorrow. I didnt do my usual 4 mile trail because I was a bit pressed for time. I only got about 3 miles in. I feel less accomplished and in turn am worried about the weigh in. I dont want to be discouraged so early into the journey.
While we are talking about the walks-the outside of my right leg is always on FIRE when I walk. Can anybody suggest some sort of stretch for that particular part of the leg so I can stop that? Its the only thing that bothers me when I walk.
Also, while I know this isnt the healthiest thing ever, Im going to try and only eat half my points tomorrow. I know that Saturday is going to be terrible. I have two birthdays to go to. One is a kickball-BBQ-keger during the day. And then later on I have an "S" themed party to go to at a tiki bar. FML. Im going to try and stick to MGD 64. I hate MGD. HATE IT. So I can only imagine what the one with only 64 calories tastes like. My friend asked me why I didnt just drink Coors Light(my love<3) if its only one point more. Because 6 points is a lot less then 12 at the end of the day.
In case you were wondering, Im dressing up in my halloween costume for the "S"...I was a soldier.
!!!WELCOME!!! to my new followers-Lexi and Lindsay!!!
I hope that everyone had a great, productive day.
Weekend starts tomorrow. Lets all breathe a collective sigh of relief :)
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
I found this beef jerky that is only 2 points for an ounce, which is actually a pretty decent amount of jerky. And its good! I also stocked up on WW Chocolate chip cookie dough deserts(mmmm) and decided to try Skinny Cow CookiesNCreme Ice Cream Sandwiches. Soooooo glad I did. Just finished one and they are delicious. And the same amount as the WW deserts(3 points)
Afraid of weigh in tomorrow. I didnt do my usual 4 mile trail because I was a bit pressed for time. I only got about 3 miles in. I feel less accomplished and in turn am worried about the weigh in. I dont want to be discouraged so early into the journey.
While we are talking about the walks-the outside of my right leg is always on FIRE when I walk. Can anybody suggest some sort of stretch for that particular part of the leg so I can stop that? Its the only thing that bothers me when I walk.
Also, while I know this isnt the healthiest thing ever, Im going to try and only eat half my points tomorrow. I know that Saturday is going to be terrible. I have two birthdays to go to. One is a kickball-BBQ-keger during the day. And then later on I have an "S" themed party to go to at a tiki bar. FML. Im going to try and stick to MGD 64. I hate MGD. HATE IT. So I can only imagine what the one with only 64 calories tastes like. My friend asked me why I didnt just drink Coors Light(my love<3) if its only one point more. Because 6 points is a lot less then 12 at the end of the day.
In case you were wondering, Im dressing up in my halloween costume for the "S"...I was a soldier.
!!!WELCOME!!! to my new followers-Lexi and Lindsay!!!
I hope that everyone had a great, productive day.
Weekend starts tomorrow. Lets all breathe a collective sigh of relief :)
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What to blog, what to blog...
I havent walked today. I didnt have the time between work this morning and picking Kylie up, because wednesdays here class gets out at 1 instead of 2. And I promised her we would go to the library. And my usual last second "Hey, Im going for a walk!" baby sitter (My younger bro is awesome!) is sick. I feel anxious. Now I have to wait for her dad to get off and see if he'll look after her while I walk.
However.
I still may not be able to walk tonight. Because one of my BFFs is in labor! Yay! My friend Grace called me yesterday to let me know they were admitting her and that they were gonna induce her last night. So now, Im just waiting for the call to get down there.
If I cant walk, its fine. I still have a day of rest? I need to start keeping track of the days I walk. I cant remember if I have already taken a rest day or not. Im excited for weight in on friday. There is no better motivation then seeing that scale number go down every week.
Food wise, my body is finally getting used to eating less. Im not a raging monster from the hours of 2-5 and then from 7-9 anymore. Im trying to eat around the same time every day so that my stomach gets used to when its gonna be fed. Today, I forgot my WW point calculator(AHHHHH!!!) so I still need to calculate the omlette I made myself. I stopped eating after that...I have a tendency to forget things I want to be able to count the points I ate today acurately.
Guess I'll go do that now.
Happy Hump Day Guys! Halfway through the week!!
WELCOME to my newest reader Phil!!!!
Until tomorrow
Xo,
CC
However.
I still may not be able to walk tonight. Because one of my BFFs is in labor! Yay! My friend Grace called me yesterday to let me know they were admitting her and that they were gonna induce her last night. So now, Im just waiting for the call to get down there.
If I cant walk, its fine. I still have a day of rest? I need to start keeping track of the days I walk. I cant remember if I have already taken a rest day or not. Im excited for weight in on friday. There is no better motivation then seeing that scale number go down every week.
Food wise, my body is finally getting used to eating less. Im not a raging monster from the hours of 2-5 and then from 7-9 anymore. Im trying to eat around the same time every day so that my stomach gets used to when its gonna be fed. Today, I forgot my WW point calculator(AHHHHH!!!) so I still need to calculate the omlette I made myself. I stopped eating after that...I have a tendency to forget things I want to be able to count the points I ate today acurately.
Guess I'll go do that now.
Happy Hump Day Guys! Halfway through the week!!
WELCOME to my newest reader Phil!!!!
Until tomorrow
Xo,
CC
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Really Quick
I just cheated twice. In as many minutes. Anyone wanna guess how many weight watchers points my bite of dutch apple pie or the two hawaiian style potato chips I had were. Anyone?
Someone smack me.
Xo,
CC
Someone smack me.
Xo,
CC
Failure. Still A Success..
Where to begin.
Last night I threw a temper tantrum. Yeah, you read that right. Even my 5 year old gave me the stank eye. I realized, at 4 pm yesterday, that I had consumed all my points for the day. And I was hungry. For carbs. Like, a lot of them. I stomped into my room, threw myself down on the bed and screamed into my pillow for a good minute and a half. Kylie came into my room and patted me on the back and said "Whats wrong mama?" I looked at the innocent face of my 5 year old and answered "Mommy cant eat anymore today and that makes her frustrated." To which she responded "Mommy, your not fat. Eat what you want."
Both endearing and scary. Endearing because she is learning tact(aw!) We've been talking about how it isnt okay to make fun of people for things they cant/may not be able to control, like height, weight, skin color, religion,etc. She is no longer pointing out morbidly obese people when we are out and saying "Why is he/she so big?" which we had a problem with her doing for a while. Scary because I DONT want her to repeat my mistakes as a child.
My mom, for all intensive purposes, was a single mother raising 3 kids. My sister and I are only 13 months apart and my brother is 4 years younger. She worked incredibly hard for us and provided us with the best should could. Because she was working full time and raising 3 kids basically on her own, from my recollection, we had fast food or pizza probably once a week. Every other night, we ate healthy. She didnt allow us to have stuff like fruity pebbles or squeeze-its. But still, that much fast food over time, builds up.
My sister was slim her entire childhood(bastard! Lol) My brother was thin too until around 3rd grade...which is about the same time I became noticably chubby. My brother and I are both still fat (sorry Johnny. Love you.) My sister wears a size 10(shes 5'8) I wear a size 20/22 (Im 5'9)
I started to realize I was doing the same thing with my child. Not because I was working a full time job, like my mom, but because at the end of the day, I was tired and just didnt have the energy to cook for my daughter. I thought it was okay because we were ordering the apple dippers and not the fries. Milk and not soda. But its still a habit I dont want her getting into. I dont ever want my child to have to battle weight issues. And Im sure it doesnt help that both her parents are overweight. I just want to set a good example for her.
I moved my scale to the trunk! Although, I wont lie, I miss it terribly! Lol. This breakup is going to be a hard one to get over.
Went for a walk today even though my baby toe is still screaming in pain. I broke the charger for my iPod shuffle so I was really worried it was gonna crap out on me halfway through the walk. But it totally soldiered on with me. And I adore it for that. Which is why I purchased it a brand new charger today. Yay.
My walk today is what brings me to my title of the blog. I walked at 10 am today. Not very many people on the trail. Mostly elderly couples chugging along sprinkled in a few avid runners. I walk this trail end to end and then back, which totals 4 miles. I passed this elderly couple at the restrooms on my first pass, waved and said good morning and continued on my way. Hit the end of the trail, and doubled back. When I neared the end of the trail, I saw them just touching the "turn around pole" and heading back towards me. Which means that I did 3 miles in the time it took them to do 1.
The man smiled. "Youre quick!"
I laughed. "Im getting there. All the runners and speed walkers are still flying by me."
The man shook his head. "Dont consider your success a failure. Any way you slice it, you walked 4 miles today. You did good kid."
I seriously almost cried. I wanted to adopt this guy. I said thank you, told them I hoped to see them in the future and jogged back to my car. Im going to try and echo those words everytime I get discouraged when I work out, or when the weight isnt falling off fast enough. Dont consider any success to be failure.
So, I lost a follower :( Guess some people dont find me as interesting as Id like to think.
I made an award today. And since I have no idea how to post it on someone elses or if that is even possible, its getting posted here. I know she'll see it anyway.
Miss Candy! Here is your very own award! I made it myself. Thank you for being so supportive. You rock!
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Last night I threw a temper tantrum. Yeah, you read that right. Even my 5 year old gave me the stank eye. I realized, at 4 pm yesterday, that I had consumed all my points for the day. And I was hungry. For carbs. Like, a lot of them. I stomped into my room, threw myself down on the bed and screamed into my pillow for a good minute and a half. Kylie came into my room and patted me on the back and said "Whats wrong mama?" I looked at the innocent face of my 5 year old and answered "Mommy cant eat anymore today and that makes her frustrated." To which she responded "Mommy, your not fat. Eat what you want."
Both endearing and scary. Endearing because she is learning tact(aw!) We've been talking about how it isnt okay to make fun of people for things they cant/may not be able to control, like height, weight, skin color, religion,etc. She is no longer pointing out morbidly obese people when we are out and saying "Why is he/she so big?" which we had a problem with her doing for a while. Scary because I DONT want her to repeat my mistakes as a child.
My mom, for all intensive purposes, was a single mother raising 3 kids. My sister and I are only 13 months apart and my brother is 4 years younger. She worked incredibly hard for us and provided us with the best should could. Because she was working full time and raising 3 kids basically on her own, from my recollection, we had fast food or pizza probably once a week. Every other night, we ate healthy. She didnt allow us to have stuff like fruity pebbles or squeeze-its. But still, that much fast food over time, builds up.
My sister was slim her entire childhood(bastard! Lol) My brother was thin too until around 3rd grade...which is about the same time I became noticably chubby. My brother and I are both still fat (sorry Johnny. Love you.) My sister wears a size 10(shes 5'8) I wear a size 20/22 (Im 5'9)
I started to realize I was doing the same thing with my child. Not because I was working a full time job, like my mom, but because at the end of the day, I was tired and just didnt have the energy to cook for my daughter. I thought it was okay because we were ordering the apple dippers and not the fries. Milk and not soda. But its still a habit I dont want her getting into. I dont ever want my child to have to battle weight issues. And Im sure it doesnt help that both her parents are overweight. I just want to set a good example for her.
I moved my scale to the trunk! Although, I wont lie, I miss it terribly! Lol. This breakup is going to be a hard one to get over.
Went for a walk today even though my baby toe is still screaming in pain. I broke the charger for my iPod shuffle so I was really worried it was gonna crap out on me halfway through the walk. But it totally soldiered on with me. And I adore it for that. Which is why I purchased it a brand new charger today. Yay.
My walk today is what brings me to my title of the blog. I walked at 10 am today. Not very many people on the trail. Mostly elderly couples chugging along sprinkled in a few avid runners. I walk this trail end to end and then back, which totals 4 miles. I passed this elderly couple at the restrooms on my first pass, waved and said good morning and continued on my way. Hit the end of the trail, and doubled back. When I neared the end of the trail, I saw them just touching the "turn around pole" and heading back towards me. Which means that I did 3 miles in the time it took them to do 1.
The man smiled. "Youre quick!"
I laughed. "Im getting there. All the runners and speed walkers are still flying by me."
The man shook his head. "Dont consider your success a failure. Any way you slice it, you walked 4 miles today. You did good kid."
I seriously almost cried. I wanted to adopt this guy. I said thank you, told them I hoped to see them in the future and jogged back to my car. Im going to try and echo those words everytime I get discouraged when I work out, or when the weight isnt falling off fast enough. Dont consider any success to be failure.
So, I lost a follower :( Guess some people dont find me as interesting as Id like to think.
I made an award today. And since I have no idea how to post it on someone elses or if that is even possible, its getting posted here. I know she'll see it anyway.
Miss Candy! Here is your very own award! I made it myself. Thank you for being so supportive. You rock!
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Monday, January 11, 2010
YOU LIKE ME?!? YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!!!
OMG.
I was nominated for my first blog award today.
Thank you so much for not only the award Candy, but for the support. Like I say, its nice to know Im not going it alone! You are awesome and inspirational!!! Keep up the positive attitude and good work!
So, from what I understand, Im supposed to write 7 little known facts about me and then tag 7 deserving ladies with their own award.
7 Facts:
1. I come from a HUGE family. My dads mom was 1 of 10. My mom is 1 of 6. I absolutely love being from a big family. I'd like to have 6 kids...but will probably settle for 4 :)
2. I am terrified of things underwater that shouldnt be there. Mostly vehicles. Planes, Ships, Cars, etc. I dont know why either. I love the water and have never had a bad experience. In 10 grade history class, we watched a documentary on the Bermuda triangle and there was this aerial shot of the water, with dozens of sunken ships and downed prop planes in the water...I had a panic attack and had to go to the school nurse.
3. I really want to be a published writer. Its on my bucket list. Yes, I have a bucket list.
4. I competed at the World Series Of Beer Pong in 2007 in one of only 4 all girl teams. And we did pretty decently
5. I got pregnant at 19. With a guy I had been in a relationship with for a little over a month. We got married after knowing each other six month. Right before I walked down the isle, I stood outside with my sister and told her I couldnt go through with it. I did. We split 2 years later.
6. I often think about how different my life would have been if I listened to my mom and paid attention in school and went to college.
7. I love my dad. A lot. He is an amazing guy. Now. But the child inside me cant forgive the man he was when I was a kid.
And now, for my nominees!
And I know I probably shouldnt do this but I dont care...Im sending one back to Candy!
!!!WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!
To my newest followers:
Olivia
Natalia
and
Diz
Thanks for following guys!
So, its 5:34 here and i ate all my weight watcher points already. Crap. Ive been craving fried chicken. *Cue salvatory glands*
Didnt walk today. I did however, think it would be a good idea to pop the blister I have been sporting on my left pinking toe for days. I am what Alan, from the hangover, would refer to as a "Ra-tard" It hurts. Like holy hell. Why oh why did I do that to myself? Im gonna be back on track tomorrow. Hear that baby toe? Buck up! We have weight to lose.
To all my ladies that commented on the scale wars(UGH!!!), thanks for the support. I think Im gonna put it into my trunk. That way, I wont see it. And if I do, I doubt Im going to want to weigh myself in a parking lot or gas station. Although never say never... :) Im glad Im not the only one who wrestles with these, sometimes insane, weight loss pitfalls.
I actually took my "before" pictures today. SO not ready to post em. I guess I want to get down to the "after" pictures before I unleash that hideousness on the world.
Healthy choices and positive thoughts to you all!
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I blog more often then I walk.
Its true. I do blog more often then I walk. I have blogged everyday since the new year started. Sometimes twice a day. I have walked everyday except 2 days since the start of the year. So Ive decided that everyday that I blog, I have to walk. If I blog twice a day, I have to walk twice a day. Why sit around and be sedimentary when I could be exercising?!
Last night was a hitch in the wagon. I went out and drank. I should have formulated a plan for attack before I went out, but I didnt. It was all kind of last minute. So, 6 beers and 2 shots of whiskey later...
I didnt wake up with a hangover. A shocker seeing as I mixed my alcohols and Makers Mark has never been very nice to me. So as soon as I got up, I scarfed down a fiber bar and headed out to walk the SAT(San Andreas Trail) I did it in 1:15 today...and I had a partner today as well. I think that the walking thing needs to be just me. I am more focused and motivated when Im by myself. ?
While walking, there was a group of older(probably early to mid 60s) ladies who passed us going the other direction. I smiled, said hi and went on my way. I got about .5 mile away from the end of the trail and we passed by each other again. One of the ladies pointed at me and said "Youre doing great! Keep it up!" That made me smile. Because just like you guys, I had a stranger pulling for me :)
My WW points calculator came today. Its so easy to use! Im gonna just carry it around in my purse from now on. Today I have eaten 25 points. Which is good considering I had a whole lot of blue cheese and bacon on my salad tonight :)
Im supposed to be going out to see a movie with my friend Jimmy later on. Now, its on to resisting popcorn. And licorice. My ruin at the movie theater.
I have the overwhelming urge to weigh myself every single time I am in the bathroom. I think I need to throw out my scale.
Im babbling. I'll stop. :)
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Last night was a hitch in the wagon. I went out and drank. I should have formulated a plan for attack before I went out, but I didnt. It was all kind of last minute. So, 6 beers and 2 shots of whiskey later...
I didnt wake up with a hangover. A shocker seeing as I mixed my alcohols and Makers Mark has never been very nice to me. So as soon as I got up, I scarfed down a fiber bar and headed out to walk the SAT(San Andreas Trail) I did it in 1:15 today...and I had a partner today as well. I think that the walking thing needs to be just me. I am more focused and motivated when Im by myself. ?
While walking, there was a group of older(probably early to mid 60s) ladies who passed us going the other direction. I smiled, said hi and went on my way. I got about .5 mile away from the end of the trail and we passed by each other again. One of the ladies pointed at me and said "Youre doing great! Keep it up!" That made me smile. Because just like you guys, I had a stranger pulling for me :)
My WW points calculator came today. Its so easy to use! Im gonna just carry it around in my purse from now on. Today I have eaten 25 points. Which is good considering I had a whole lot of blue cheese and bacon on my salad tonight :)
Im supposed to be going out to see a movie with my friend Jimmy later on. Now, its on to resisting popcorn. And licorice. My ruin at the movie theater.
I have the overwhelming urge to weigh myself every single time I am in the bathroom. I think I need to throw out my scale.
Im babbling. I'll stop. :)
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Saturday, January 9, 2010
To Take A Cue From Ms. Chunky Chick....My Ex Is An Asshat.
No dinner after all. I dont know why I continually let that kid into my life. I always end up hurt. Always. Why are first loves SO hard to let go of? Especially when they were terrible to you? I should have known. Actually, I did know. I knew that this was going to happen. But, I tried to stay positive. Maybe he really does want to make an effort to be better friends.
Wrong. And I knew it. I need to stop ignoring my gut.
Oh well. He's just a drop in the bucket.
Went out and walked 4 miles in an hour! Thats really good for me. Im used to doing 5 in just under 2 hours. So I was hauling ass! This was the first walk I went on by myself. Just me and the music. So apparently having someone with me is slowing me down? I walked in a new place too. I went along the San Andreas Trail near my house. Gorgeous! Im not used to walking an incline(my usual 5 mile loop consists of suburban neighborhoods)so after the first hill, my legs were burning. Bad. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to turn around and limp back to the car. But I pressed on.
When I looked this trail up online, it said that there were clear .5 mile markers on the trail and a rest point at the 3 mile mark. So I decided that that was were I would stop. Turns out, the trail I was on and the trail I looked up on line run parallel to each other, but are not the same trail. I kept thinking to myself "Where are these damn markers? I know for sure Ive walked at least .5 miles!" So when I got home, I looked up the one I was actually on, and found out it was about 4 miles, round trip. Yay!
Came home and made myself a steak salad. Oh my god, it was so good. I went out and got artichoke hearts, so those made it onto the salad. I also got to use the SlapChop thats been sitting in a box in my cabinet for the last 4 months. Its probably gonna go back. It does what it says-chops things up. But the pieces are so awkwardly chopped, especially for a salad. Although, it did a great job with the onions, it butchered my tomato. In a bad way. And you have to cut veggies up so the fit in the confines of the bottom anyway. Why not just go whole hog and chop em yourself.
So, even after writing, while I usually find theroputic, Im still upset. So its either eat or exercise. Fitness tv here I come.
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Wrong. And I knew it. I need to stop ignoring my gut.
Oh well. He's just a drop in the bucket.
Went out and walked 4 miles in an hour! Thats really good for me. Im used to doing 5 in just under 2 hours. So I was hauling ass! This was the first walk I went on by myself. Just me and the music. So apparently having someone with me is slowing me down? I walked in a new place too. I went along the San Andreas Trail near my house. Gorgeous! Im not used to walking an incline(my usual 5 mile loop consists of suburban neighborhoods)so after the first hill, my legs were burning. Bad. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to turn around and limp back to the car. But I pressed on.
When I looked this trail up online, it said that there were clear .5 mile markers on the trail and a rest point at the 3 mile mark. So I decided that that was were I would stop. Turns out, the trail I was on and the trail I looked up on line run parallel to each other, but are not the same trail. I kept thinking to myself "Where are these damn markers? I know for sure Ive walked at least .5 miles!" So when I got home, I looked up the one I was actually on, and found out it was about 4 miles, round trip. Yay!
Came home and made myself a steak salad. Oh my god, it was so good. I went out and got artichoke hearts, so those made it onto the salad. I also got to use the SlapChop thats been sitting in a box in my cabinet for the last 4 months. Its probably gonna go back. It does what it says-chops things up. But the pieces are so awkwardly chopped, especially for a salad. Although, it did a great job with the onions, it butchered my tomato. In a bad way. And you have to cut veggies up so the fit in the confines of the bottom anyway. Why not just go whole hog and chop em yourself.
So, even after writing, while I usually find theroputic, Im still upset. So its either eat or exercise. Fitness tv here I come.
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
!!!Hey Ladies!!!
Got an ipod shuffle. Filling it with music. Quick question...what songs motivate you to move it while exercising?
Thanks in advance!
Xo,
CC
Thanks in advance!
Xo,
CC
Friday, January 8, 2010
1 Dinner Down, 1 To Go.
So, went out to dinner with Graciepoo and Ken. I love spending time with those two. We always just laugh and have so much fun together. Grace is about ready to POP. Due date is the 21st, but I put my money on the 19th. Shes excited to get back to her normal weight and guess who is gonna be her right hand man? Yay, someone else to exercise and bitch about calories to!
So we went out to Savor tonight, which is a place that serves mostly healty food. I got the grilled chicken breast with pesto sandwich, which comes with a spring mix salad and country potatoes. And I stuck to water. Really good and filling. Hoping the potatoes werent fried.
But I didnt order the calamari and thats what counts right? :)
I didnt exercise today. I feel...like I failed myself. After Im done typing this, I think I'll just dance around in my living room for a while. Get some sort of physical activity in. I like youtubing songs I dig and trying to teach myself the choreography. I mostly do it with hip hop, but I do know the thriller moves,lol.
Until Tomorrow
Xo,
CC
PS. 12 Followers! It makes so happy that not only are people reading my stuff, but actually enjoying it(?. !.) Welcome welcome to Candy! And a super special huge welcome to Mrs. B, who also happens to be my mom. Love you mama!
So we went out to Savor tonight, which is a place that serves mostly healty food. I got the grilled chicken breast with pesto sandwich, which comes with a spring mix salad and country potatoes. And I stuck to water. Really good and filling. Hoping the potatoes werent fried.
But I didnt order the calamari and thats what counts right? :)
I didnt exercise today. I feel...like I failed myself. After Im done typing this, I think I'll just dance around in my living room for a while. Get some sort of physical activity in. I like youtubing songs I dig and trying to teach myself the choreography. I mostly do it with hip hop, but I do know the thriller moves,lol.
Until Tomorrow
Xo,
CC
PS. 12 Followers! It makes so happy that not only are people reading my stuff, but actually enjoying it(?. !.) Welcome welcome to Candy! And a super special huge welcome to Mrs. B, who also happens to be my mom. Love you mama!
Showdown. Aka: The Last Piece Of Calamari.
Seriously...WTF? I have been having a wicked case of insomnia lately. Ive been an insomniac on and off since I was about 14. The last week, I havent made it to bed before 3 or 4 in the morning. So its totally throwing off my schedule.
Weigh in this morning. And Im down 3.2 pounds. Yay! Thats puts me more then on the right track for the 7 pounds Im aiming for for January. Feels good. Not as good as say....6 pounds would feel. Lol, but I'll take what I can get.
Last night went out to dinner with the BFF and The Ex. Who also happen to be best friends. We went out to a pizza joint to watch the Alabama/Texas game. And of course, they were doing 5 dollar pitchers and half off appetizers.
I ordered my brain to not listen to my stomach and follow my logic. It was hard. Apparently, my stomach wears the pants in that relationship.
Im good. Really good. I order a salad and drink water. The boys order two pitchers of ice cold beer, wings and fried calamari. The waitress brings everything at once and immediately, my mouth starts watering when the delicious smell of the garlicly fried goodness wafts my way. I swallow. Hard. Maybe one piece wouldnt be so bad...
But one always turns into an entire plateful for me. I LOVE calamari. So I just stare at the football game while I eat my salad and the boys demolish the wings, pitchers and most of the calamari.
Most. One single solitary piece is sitting amoungst the fallen scraps of breading on the plate. Next to the tartar sauce. Taunting me. Eat me. Eat me. You know Im delicious. Theres only one piece of me left. You know I'll be good to you.
Oh, but calamari, you would be the beginning of the end. If I allow myself to have you. What will I allow next? A plateful of onion rings? A pint of ice cream? WHERE WILL IT END!?!?!
The waitress comes over, thank god, to pick up the plates. I ask for more water.
She leaves the calamari plate.
Seriously?!?! There is one damn piece!! Take it away before you ruin my life!
I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I can do this. Okay, I didnt really look in the mirror and say that to myself, but I needed a moment to collect myself. All due to one lonely piece of calamari.
I head back to the table and the boys inform me another one of our friends, the Marine who returned from Iraq a few weeks ago, is coming to join us. They order another pitcher.
Stop looking at me calamari. Im not going to eat you.
Marine shows up and the boys polish off the pitcher. We stand up to leave and the ex points down to plate. "No one is gonna polish that off?"
Me! I want to! ME!!
The BFF reaches over and pops it into his mouth. "There. Can we go?"
I love him. My savior.
"We're going to the Duck" (Read:Duck=Local Bar)
Crap.
So, I sit with the boys through the next 2 1/2 hours(or 12 beers)and do nothing. Well, I mean, I conversate, but not beer. Even despite being given 2. We call it a night around 1 and I head home, extremely proud of myself. However, I am also going out to dinner tonight and tomorrow.
Crap.
Until tomorrow...or later tonight :)
Xo,
CC
Weigh in this morning. And Im down 3.2 pounds. Yay! Thats puts me more then on the right track for the 7 pounds Im aiming for for January. Feels good. Not as good as say....6 pounds would feel. Lol, but I'll take what I can get.
Last night went out to dinner with the BFF and The Ex. Who also happen to be best friends. We went out to a pizza joint to watch the Alabama/Texas game. And of course, they were doing 5 dollar pitchers and half off appetizers.
I ordered my brain to not listen to my stomach and follow my logic. It was hard. Apparently, my stomach wears the pants in that relationship.
Im good. Really good. I order a salad and drink water. The boys order two pitchers of ice cold beer, wings and fried calamari. The waitress brings everything at once and immediately, my mouth starts watering when the delicious smell of the garlicly fried goodness wafts my way. I swallow. Hard. Maybe one piece wouldnt be so bad...
But one always turns into an entire plateful for me. I LOVE calamari. So I just stare at the football game while I eat my salad and the boys demolish the wings, pitchers and most of the calamari.
Most. One single solitary piece is sitting amoungst the fallen scraps of breading on the plate. Next to the tartar sauce. Taunting me. Eat me. Eat me. You know Im delicious. Theres only one piece of me left. You know I'll be good to you.
Oh, but calamari, you would be the beginning of the end. If I allow myself to have you. What will I allow next? A plateful of onion rings? A pint of ice cream? WHERE WILL IT END!?!?!
The waitress comes over, thank god, to pick up the plates. I ask for more water.
She leaves the calamari plate.
Seriously?!?! There is one damn piece!! Take it away before you ruin my life!
I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I can do this. Okay, I didnt really look in the mirror and say that to myself, but I needed a moment to collect myself. All due to one lonely piece of calamari.
I head back to the table and the boys inform me another one of our friends, the Marine who returned from Iraq a few weeks ago, is coming to join us. They order another pitcher.
Stop looking at me calamari. Im not going to eat you.
Marine shows up and the boys polish off the pitcher. We stand up to leave and the ex points down to plate. "No one is gonna polish that off?"
Me! I want to! ME!!
The BFF reaches over and pops it into his mouth. "There. Can we go?"
I love him. My savior.
"We're going to the Duck" (Read:Duck=Local Bar)
Crap.
So, I sit with the boys through the next 2 1/2 hours(or 12 beers)and do nothing. Well, I mean, I conversate, but not beer. Even despite being given 2. We call it a night around 1 and I head home, extremely proud of myself. However, I am also going out to dinner tonight and tomorrow.
Crap.
Until tomorrow...or later tonight :)
Xo,
CC
Thursday, January 7, 2010
When people drive you to eat
Yeah. My ex husband, my daughters father, drive me to eat. I guess thats better then driving me to drink. But still, I cant stand that someone has that kind of power and effect over me. Hes a great dad and a good guy in general, but we are so incredibly volitile around each. We just had a fight and completely blew up at each other. My daughter started crying, which is one of the main reasons we split in the first place. I dont want her growing up in a war zone instead of a home. Luckily, I grabbed one of my hundred calorie snack packs instead. Mmm. pringles. In addition to the millions of other things I need to train myself to do or not do...I guess I'll add emotional eating to the list. I should form some sort of To Do list. Get organized in my chaos.
Walked today. Not the usual 5 mile loops because I was pressed on time. But the blister on my baby toe is screaming at me anyway. Just mapped the walk. Did 4.02 miles. So not that much less than I usually do.
Im starved. Gonna go eat something. Hope to return tomorrow in a MUCH better mood. Weight in tomorrow. Aiming for 2 pounds. Wish me luck!
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Ps. WELCOME my new followers!!! Ms. Chunky, Crysy and Jojo. Thanks for watchin! :)
Walked today. Not the usual 5 mile loops because I was pressed on time. But the blister on my baby toe is screaming at me anyway. Just mapped the walk. Did 4.02 miles. So not that much less than I usually do.
Im starved. Gonna go eat something. Hope to return tomorrow in a MUCH better mood. Weight in tomorrow. Aiming for 2 pounds. Wish me luck!
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Ps. WELCOME my new followers!!! Ms. Chunky, Crysy and Jojo. Thanks for watchin! :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sabatouer.
So last night, this really mean 250 pound bitch(excuse the language!) stood in the way of me and my weight loss goal.
It was myself.
I look at the situation I put myself into in both the "new me" mentality and the "old me" mentality.
"New Me" says: There is no one but yourself to blame for last nights hop off the bandwagon. You knew you were going to do it before you did it. You didnt have to do it. You chose to do it. You shouldnt have done it. If you dont change your patterns, nothing will change.
"Old Me" counters with: If you deprive yourself of things that make you happy, youre destined to fail. Could you have done last night in moderation? Yes. Should you cut it out completely? No. Dont give it up, just do less.
And now....for what I did last night!
Once upon a time, there was a girl who realized that she was pretty amazing at beer pong. Her fraternity president best friend taught her the game, which she picked up quite quickly. Soon, they were hitting parties and hustling people for 10 bucks a game. A few friends of hers starting a weekly BP competition at a local bar, which she played in almost every week. At least once a month, she was walking home with the 200 dollar prize. She and her partner made it to the world series of beer pong.
After completing the series and coming home, she felt she had quenched her thirst of this particular activity. And didnt play(except socially at parties every now and then) for almost 2 years.
Last night, I went back to the bar that hosts the beer pong weekly tourneys and played. I had entirely too much alcohol(im not used to drinking so much so fast anymore) and in turn woke up totally hungover and ignored my alarm, telling me to get my shoes on and get my butt in high gear.
Im so disappointed. Not only at the over consumption of endless empty calories(I couldnt count them if I wanted to) but at the fact that I am only days into my "project me" campaign and I already took a header from the wagon.
I return today, more focused and headstrong then yesterday, with the determination and knowledge that I CAN do this. Set backs are temporary. A flat tire on the wagon. I can fix a flat by myself and get back on. As long as its not an engine problem, we're okay. :)
I saw a guy last night that I havent seen in about 2 years. We hugged and talked about our daughters(his is 9 mine is 6) He is a single dad, Im a single mom. The mother of his child isnt around at all though, so he is doing it completely alone, which I really commended him on. Anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad! We hugged before we went our separate ways, and as I pulled back, he said "You know, youre looking really amazing.(i was in a tank top and jeans...so it wasnt what I was wearing) Whatever it is that your doing, keep it up."
Nothing is so sweet as positive reinforcements.
So thanks Dan. You are the receiver of my first Mantastic award,lol
This Saturday, Im going out to dinner with my ex. This will be there first time eating out. Say a prayer for my willpower!
Until tomorrow,
Xo,
CC
Ps. Welcome welcome my new followers! Dree, Tricia, Alvina and Namontgomery!! Hope you enjoy my ramblings as much as I enjoy writing them! Thanks for following guys!
******Just finished dinner. Pizza. ugh. slice of cheese and 4(yes, 4) garlic twists. Had Tequitos for lunch. Calories are looking like...
580 for the taquitos
250 for the slice of pizza(ONE FRIGGIN SLICE!)
230 for the garlic twists
1060.
Wow. Not as bad as I thought. Oh, Im gonna add an extra 100 because I had ranch and cheese on the pizza.
Going for my 5m walk. Adios!
It was myself.
I look at the situation I put myself into in both the "new me" mentality and the "old me" mentality.
"New Me" says: There is no one but yourself to blame for last nights hop off the bandwagon. You knew you were going to do it before you did it. You didnt have to do it. You chose to do it. You shouldnt have done it. If you dont change your patterns, nothing will change.
"Old Me" counters with: If you deprive yourself of things that make you happy, youre destined to fail. Could you have done last night in moderation? Yes. Should you cut it out completely? No. Dont give it up, just do less.
And now....for what I did last night!
Once upon a time, there was a girl who realized that she was pretty amazing at beer pong. Her fraternity president best friend taught her the game, which she picked up quite quickly. Soon, they were hitting parties and hustling people for 10 bucks a game. A few friends of hers starting a weekly BP competition at a local bar, which she played in almost every week. At least once a month, she was walking home with the 200 dollar prize. She and her partner made it to the world series of beer pong.
After completing the series and coming home, she felt she had quenched her thirst of this particular activity. And didnt play(except socially at parties every now and then) for almost 2 years.
Last night, I went back to the bar that hosts the beer pong weekly tourneys and played. I had entirely too much alcohol(im not used to drinking so much so fast anymore) and in turn woke up totally hungover and ignored my alarm, telling me to get my shoes on and get my butt in high gear.
Im so disappointed. Not only at the over consumption of endless empty calories(I couldnt count them if I wanted to) but at the fact that I am only days into my "project me" campaign and I already took a header from the wagon.
I return today, more focused and headstrong then yesterday, with the determination and knowledge that I CAN do this. Set backs are temporary. A flat tire on the wagon. I can fix a flat by myself and get back on. As long as its not an engine problem, we're okay. :)
I saw a guy last night that I havent seen in about 2 years. We hugged and talked about our daughters(his is 9 mine is 6) He is a single dad, Im a single mom. The mother of his child isnt around at all though, so he is doing it completely alone, which I really commended him on. Anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad! We hugged before we went our separate ways, and as I pulled back, he said "You know, youre looking really amazing.(i was in a tank top and jeans...so it wasnt what I was wearing) Whatever it is that your doing, keep it up."
Nothing is so sweet as positive reinforcements.
So thanks Dan. You are the receiver of my first Mantastic award,lol
This Saturday, Im going out to dinner with my ex. This will be there first time eating out. Say a prayer for my willpower!
Until tomorrow,
Xo,
CC
Ps. Welcome welcome my new followers! Dree, Tricia, Alvina and Namontgomery!! Hope you enjoy my ramblings as much as I enjoy writing them! Thanks for following guys!
******Just finished dinner. Pizza. ugh. slice of cheese and 4(yes, 4) garlic twists. Had Tequitos for lunch. Calories are looking like...
580 for the taquitos
250 for the slice of pizza(ONE FRIGGIN SLICE!)
230 for the garlic twists
1060.
Wow. Not as bad as I thought. Oh, Im gonna add an extra 100 because I had ranch and cheese on the pizza.
Going for my 5m walk. Adios!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
(less) Early Morning Thoughts.
I have three followers! Wow! Super encouraging! Thanks ladies!
Anyway, after Katie J wrote me a comment, I checked out her page, which included exactly what she was rewarding herself after each milestone. I thought that was a great idea!
I like tattoos. However, there are very few places on my body I would place them, because I dont want mine to show unless I feel like showing them. So that cuts out the arms, neck, shoulders and upper back, legs and ankles. Which is fine, because I prefer not to have any in those places anyway. Well, maybe the shoulder blade wouldnt be terrible.
I digress.
Since I was about 16, I wanted tattoos on my rib cage and hip bones. But at 16 I was about 220. And obviously, underage to get a tattoo. So I have decided that once I drop and maintain the weight for one whole year, I will finally fulfill that dream and get some more ink.
But before then, Id like to come up with a small list(every 20 pounds or so) of things Id like to treat myself to. Look for that in an upcoming post.
Not planning on walking today, but did utilize exercise TV this morning. Learned 8 8-counts of choreography. Only took half an hour. But dont feel like it really worked me out. I guess its okay to do light aerobics on my "days off" from walking. But still...I feel like I need more. Especially because I am contemplating making myself a BLT.
To BLT or not to BLT. That is the question. Im over at my moms doing laundry and her house is black and white. Its either SUPER healthy foods(ew) or junk (ew) Does the whole wheat high fiber bread cancel out the three pieces of bacon Im planning on ripping into? *Sigh* No. And I know better. But my stomach is GROWLING.
On the note of to or not to, I was debating if I should join weight watchers. I cant afford it. God, I cant afford it right now. But I need some sort of structure when it comes to my food choices. So I cheated. I looked up online how many points my weight range would be able to eat(30) And then I went on eBay and purchased myself a WW point calculator.
My Auntie is starting some sort of weight loss encouragement group. Which my mom was supposed to forward me the information for. And didnt. But I guess thats why I have this blog. And all you lovely people out in bloggerland. Contrary to my last post, I know I cant do this completely alone. And since Im not ready to share all this personal info with people I actually know(isnt that strange?) Im counting on the "kindness of strangers" :)
Okay. No more morning thoughts. Officially turning my brain off. Have a good day!
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Anyway, after Katie J wrote me a comment, I checked out her page, which included exactly what she was rewarding herself after each milestone. I thought that was a great idea!
I like tattoos. However, there are very few places on my body I would place them, because I dont want mine to show unless I feel like showing them. So that cuts out the arms, neck, shoulders and upper back, legs and ankles. Which is fine, because I prefer not to have any in those places anyway. Well, maybe the shoulder blade wouldnt be terrible.
I digress.
Since I was about 16, I wanted tattoos on my rib cage and hip bones. But at 16 I was about 220. And obviously, underage to get a tattoo. So I have decided that once I drop and maintain the weight for one whole year, I will finally fulfill that dream and get some more ink.
But before then, Id like to come up with a small list(every 20 pounds or so) of things Id like to treat myself to. Look for that in an upcoming post.
Not planning on walking today, but did utilize exercise TV this morning. Learned 8 8-counts of choreography. Only took half an hour. But dont feel like it really worked me out. I guess its okay to do light aerobics on my "days off" from walking. But still...I feel like I need more. Especially because I am contemplating making myself a BLT.
To BLT or not to BLT. That is the question. Im over at my moms doing laundry and her house is black and white. Its either SUPER healthy foods(ew) or junk (ew) Does the whole wheat high fiber bread cancel out the three pieces of bacon Im planning on ripping into? *Sigh* No. And I know better. But my stomach is GROWLING.
On the note of to or not to, I was debating if I should join weight watchers. I cant afford it. God, I cant afford it right now. But I need some sort of structure when it comes to my food choices. So I cheated. I looked up online how many points my weight range would be able to eat(30) And then I went on eBay and purchased myself a WW point calculator.
My Auntie is starting some sort of weight loss encouragement group. Which my mom was supposed to forward me the information for. And didnt. But I guess thats why I have this blog. And all you lovely people out in bloggerland. Contrary to my last post, I know I cant do this completely alone. And since Im not ready to share all this personal info with people I actually know(isnt that strange?) Im counting on the "kindness of strangers" :)
Okay. No more morning thoughts. Officially turning my brain off. Have a good day!
Until Tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
(really) Early Morning Thoughts
I usually walk it out with my best friend Melissa. We clock a five mile loop around town. She texted me last night after I went to bed (At 6:30...which probably explains why I am awake at 4:47 am) and told me she wasnt going to be able to walk today.
*Deep breaths*
Now true, we said we were going to walk 5 days a week. And we've already walked 3 times this week(our week starts on Saturdays). But I feel like if I lose momentum already, this year is going to turn out like every other year where I do amazing in January...and then spend the other 11 months saying to myself "Ill start tomorrow"
Ive always been so reliant on someone else dieting with me(mostly my mom) that when they fall off the wagon, I jump off and lie in the dirt with them. Until the wagon travels off into the distance and then I think to myself...well, unless I have my own wagon, I cant catch up to that wagon. Basically, there are too many wagons in this story.
I need to learn that I am responsible for MY OWN WEIGHT LOSS! No one else. No one is forcing me to eat what I do. No one is stopping me from exercising. Except me. My own wagon. Ive wanted to join weight watchers, but havent because I didnt want to do it alone. But looking back(I joined weight watchers with my mom when I was about 16) I stopped going when she stopped going. Maybe it would be easier, better, to do it on my own.
I break today from the 5 mile hike might do me good. Give my legs a rest. And my new shoes will be here tomorrow. Im gonna do Cardioke after I drop Kylie off to school, which I think is the funnest(most fun for all you grammatical sticklers out there) work out dvd out there. I highly reccomend you check it out. I also have all these dance dvds laying around my house that I got from a girl on craigslist. I got Zoomba, Hip Hop Abs(which I actually threw away it was so bad) Core Rythyms and well, I cant remember the title for the last one. But I purchased them in December of 08 and they have been sitting in my living room, barely used. I love dancing. I have always loved dancing. I really want to get out there and salsa dance or two step or shake my ass-anything really. But it all comes back to the "Im alone...and dont want to be" mentallity. I know for a fact that 3 places near my house have free salsa lessons on wednesday or thursday nights. And I never go.
I just want to be comfortable being by myself I guess. Ive never eaten alone. Never gone and seen a movie alone. I dont shop alone. On this weight loss journey, Id love to get used to doing things on my own and not letting that hold me back from trying things I really think Id like.
5:04 in the morning. Maybe I'll try and cat nap before I gotta make breakfast for the little one.
Until later
Xo,
CC
*Deep breaths*
Now true, we said we were going to walk 5 days a week. And we've already walked 3 times this week(our week starts on Saturdays). But I feel like if I lose momentum already, this year is going to turn out like every other year where I do amazing in January...and then spend the other 11 months saying to myself "Ill start tomorrow"
Ive always been so reliant on someone else dieting with me(mostly my mom) that when they fall off the wagon, I jump off and lie in the dirt with them. Until the wagon travels off into the distance and then I think to myself...well, unless I have my own wagon, I cant catch up to that wagon. Basically, there are too many wagons in this story.
I need to learn that I am responsible for MY OWN WEIGHT LOSS! No one else. No one is forcing me to eat what I do. No one is stopping me from exercising. Except me. My own wagon. Ive wanted to join weight watchers, but havent because I didnt want to do it alone. But looking back(I joined weight watchers with my mom when I was about 16) I stopped going when she stopped going. Maybe it would be easier, better, to do it on my own.
I break today from the 5 mile hike might do me good. Give my legs a rest. And my new shoes will be here tomorrow. Im gonna do Cardioke after I drop Kylie off to school, which I think is the funnest(most fun for all you grammatical sticklers out there) work out dvd out there. I highly reccomend you check it out. I also have all these dance dvds laying around my house that I got from a girl on craigslist. I got Zoomba, Hip Hop Abs(which I actually threw away it was so bad) Core Rythyms and well, I cant remember the title for the last one. But I purchased them in December of 08 and they have been sitting in my living room, barely used. I love dancing. I have always loved dancing. I really want to get out there and salsa dance or two step or shake my ass-anything really. But it all comes back to the "Im alone...and dont want to be" mentallity. I know for a fact that 3 places near my house have free salsa lessons on wednesday or thursday nights. And I never go.
I just want to be comfortable being by myself I guess. Ive never eaten alone. Never gone and seen a movie alone. I dont shop alone. On this weight loss journey, Id love to get used to doing things on my own and not letting that hold me back from trying things I really think Id like.
5:04 in the morning. Maybe I'll try and cat nap before I gotta make breakfast for the little one.
Until later
Xo,
CC
Monday, January 4, 2010
Icy Hot. Oh dear lord, I need the Icy Hot.
15 miles in 3 days. I feel like my hips are trying to abandon my body. I was born with hip clicks. I dont know if that is an actual thing, but thats what my mom calls it. Anyway, I was in some sort of cast for a while as an infant and as a result, my hips sometimes bother me when I stand or walk for long distances. But after 15 miles in 3 days, I think they have called it quits and decided its time to pack it in.
Please hips. Dont leave me!
So Icy Hot. Ive never used it. But if Shaq says it helps, Im down to try it. Guess I'll write my results tomorrow.
So, 5 miles today. I need to remember that no matter how cold I may be before I start the trek, I will not need a jacket! I am so tired of carrying around extra clothing! More excess weight for me to carry...I have enough as it is!
Today I havent really eaten a whole lot. Which is good and bad. Ive consumed 330 calories(Fiber bar, 100 calorie pringles and 100 calorie oreo snack cakes. Mmmm) Dinner tonight I think is gonna be steak salad. Although I dont have the energy to stand, let alone cook.
No one said this was gonna be easy.
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Please hips. Dont leave me!
So Icy Hot. Ive never used it. But if Shaq says it helps, Im down to try it. Guess I'll write my results tomorrow.
So, 5 miles today. I need to remember that no matter how cold I may be before I start the trek, I will not need a jacket! I am so tired of carrying around extra clothing! More excess weight for me to carry...I have enough as it is!
Today I havent really eaten a whole lot. Which is good and bad. Ive consumed 330 calories(Fiber bar, 100 calorie pringles and 100 calorie oreo snack cakes. Mmmm) Dinner tonight I think is gonna be steak salad. Although I dont have the energy to stand, let alone cook.
No one said this was gonna be easy.
Until tomorrow!
Xo,
CC
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2010. A new year. A new me?
Every single year, for as long as I can remember, my new years resolution has been to lose half of myself. Okay, maybe not half, because that would put me at a pretty dangerous weight(5'10 and 125 pounds? No thanks) But this is the year!
Why is this the year? Well, my health is absolutely poor. And I could probably go on fooling myself into thinking my weight isnt "so bad" if my doctor hadnt said "There is an excellent possibility that if you can lose 80 pounds(ack!), your health problems might clear up"
Awesome.
Since this is the first post of the blog, I guess I'll back up and give you some history. Im 26 years old and weight 250 pounds.
Ugh. A little piece of me died revealing that.
Ive always been heavy. Chubby kid. Fat teenager. Fatter adult. Except for a brief period of stress induced weight loss at the age of 19, I dont think I have been under the 200 mark in a decade. And like many fat girls before me, I hide my insecurities with my humor, stylish clothing and seduction skills. But, at the end of the day, no one wants to date the fat funny girl with the coach purse(which I dont own,lol)
I dont think I will ever be considered skinny. At my lowest weight, I was 180. I looked good. I carried it well. But I have come to accept that my hips and ass will never go away. And Im okay with that...as long as my thighs and stomach pick up the slack.
I know everyone says to lose weight for yourself. If someone is gonna like you, they are gonna like you for you. Yeah yeah. I get it. I still wanna lose weight so I can land someone I am not settling for because my choices are limited.
I lucked out. I am actually shaped like a coke bottle. I mean, a pretty large coke bottle. Like a 2 liter, if it were bottle shaped. My skinny sister always tells me she would trade her small boyish figure for my hefty curvy one. I guess people always want what they dont have, eh?
Anyway, so 2010 is the year I take it off. The weight, I mean. Im 250 pounds. Actually, 254. I weighed myself today. I am aiming for taking 80 pounds off by this day, 2011.
250-80=160
80lb/12month=6.666(and so on)lbs per month
I feel like its a super do-able weight loss goal.
Ive given myself 4 rules.
1. Drink water. Lots of it. They say you should drink your weight in ounces. Well, that would mean I would need to drink almost 2 gallons of water a day. Lets work up slowly huh? Drink 1 distilled gallon per day.
2. Exercise 5 times a week. 5 mile walks. Ooh, and dancing.
3. No more fast food!! I think if I can just cut that out of my life, I will be much better off.
4. For every month I reach my weight loss goal, I will reward myself.
So, today, I nailed the 5 mile walk. Also, ordered the Sketchers Shape Ups. Rediculous looking shoe, but hopefully, will help burn extra calories. Food wise, I had a pack of sushi from safeway, a roast beef sandwich and a pack of 100 calorie pringles. Oh, a fiber bar. Not too bad food wise. My hips are absolutely killing me after 10 miles in 2 days. But I feel better about myself. Lets hope these shoes live up to the hype.
Until tomorrow kids :)
Xo,
CC
Why is this the year? Well, my health is absolutely poor. And I could probably go on fooling myself into thinking my weight isnt "so bad" if my doctor hadnt said "There is an excellent possibility that if you can lose 80 pounds(ack!), your health problems might clear up"
Awesome.
Since this is the first post of the blog, I guess I'll back up and give you some history. Im 26 years old and weight 250 pounds.
Ugh. A little piece of me died revealing that.
Ive always been heavy. Chubby kid. Fat teenager. Fatter adult. Except for a brief period of stress induced weight loss at the age of 19, I dont think I have been under the 200 mark in a decade. And like many fat girls before me, I hide my insecurities with my humor, stylish clothing and seduction skills. But, at the end of the day, no one wants to date the fat funny girl with the coach purse(which I dont own,lol)
I dont think I will ever be considered skinny. At my lowest weight, I was 180. I looked good. I carried it well. But I have come to accept that my hips and ass will never go away. And Im okay with that...as long as my thighs and stomach pick up the slack.
I know everyone says to lose weight for yourself. If someone is gonna like you, they are gonna like you for you. Yeah yeah. I get it. I still wanna lose weight so I can land someone I am not settling for because my choices are limited.
I lucked out. I am actually shaped like a coke bottle. I mean, a pretty large coke bottle. Like a 2 liter, if it were bottle shaped. My skinny sister always tells me she would trade her small boyish figure for my hefty curvy one. I guess people always want what they dont have, eh?
Anyway, so 2010 is the year I take it off. The weight, I mean. Im 250 pounds. Actually, 254. I weighed myself today. I am aiming for taking 80 pounds off by this day, 2011.
250-80=160
80lb/12month=6.666(and so on)lbs per month
I feel like its a super do-able weight loss goal.
Ive given myself 4 rules.
1. Drink water. Lots of it. They say you should drink your weight in ounces. Well, that would mean I would need to drink almost 2 gallons of water a day. Lets work up slowly huh? Drink 1 distilled gallon per day.
2. Exercise 5 times a week. 5 mile walks. Ooh, and dancing.
3. No more fast food!! I think if I can just cut that out of my life, I will be much better off.
4. For every month I reach my weight loss goal, I will reward myself.
So, today, I nailed the 5 mile walk. Also, ordered the Sketchers Shape Ups. Rediculous looking shoe, but hopefully, will help burn extra calories. Food wise, I had a pack of sushi from safeway, a roast beef sandwich and a pack of 100 calorie pringles. Oh, a fiber bar. Not too bad food wise. My hips are absolutely killing me after 10 miles in 2 days. But I feel better about myself. Lets hope these shoes live up to the hype.
Until tomorrow kids :)
Xo,
CC
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