And the winners are...

Losing it(for real) and Heather! The correct truth is, yes, I have managed to convince three of my guy friends to get Mary tattooed. On their ass. Its pretty awesome. I'll have to look for a picture. But right now, you girls can proudly display this award.



Not much to say. I have walked every night for three straight nights. Its nice to know that its just as easy to fall back into walking as it was to fall out of it :) I'll update again on Monday, along with my weigh in. Fingers crossed for a loss :)


WELCOME!!!!

To my new readers! Yay!

Misssarahlou, Jaimie S, Aly Bell and Alvina

Thanks for following guys! I look forward to connecting with each and every one of you.

30 readers. Ooh, I feel so special I might do a "30 readers" dance...

Diz is right. Im just not trying.

After reading Dizs post here I realize she is absolutely correct. I am not trying. I was so diligent about counting points and walking when I first started this. Now, I estimate points all day long, never really adding them all up. I have walked ONCE in three weeks. How can I expect change? And how long am I going to do this to myself? Why cant I love myself enough to want to do this? To really be motivated enough to get serious, finally, after 26 years of wishing I could be where I wanted. I have the tools, I just dont have the willpower. I am slowly accepting failure and it kills me because I am sitting idly by. How strange that the only thing stopping me is myself and I cant get it together. Im the only one making the poor choices in my life. Every year I say this year will be different and it never is. And that is my fault. I have been so incredibly stressed out lately, which is putting a strain on my health. See? There I go with the excuses again. My health will ALWAYS be poor if I dont lose this fucking weight. Instead of going to bed, Im going out for a walk. I wont let me stand in the way of me any longer. I will look back at 2010 as the year I finally made the decision that my life is worth living.

I sincerely adore all of you for listening and being my source of strength in times of weakness. Thank you for not letting me go this incredibly hard journey alone.

Xo,
Mary

Award and Welcome!!!!

I got an award :) Thank you Ms. Chunky Chick for my newest award!

Here it is in all its shiny glory :)





-Thank and link the person who gave this to you.

-Copy the award and place it on your blog.

-Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.

-Nominate and link seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.

-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

6 Lies and a truth huh? Alright, here goes.

1. I have my pilots license
2. I am have gone on a date with a well known female celebrity
3. I have saved a dog from a burning building
4. I have talked 3 people into tattooing my name on their body
5. I have run in a college organized "naked mile"
6. I write my name in for president at every election
7. I made my film debut in "Girl Gone Wild: Spring Break 05 Anything Goes"

First person to guess it correctly, I will award you with a brand-spanking new homemade award! Lol.

As for my creative writers, I cant seem to get my links to work (DAMN IT!!!) But I'd love for all my ladies to complete it. You all deserve awards so Im nominating each and every one of you!!!


WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!

To my new readers: Jen and Lara.

Thanks for following girls! Hope to keep you guys thoroughly entertained!!!

No good terrible horrible very bad day.

Yesterday was to say the least. I felt like hitting the bottle(ooh, thats probably a bad reflex...)

Instead I walked 3.28 miles in the POURING rain. I was soaking wet by the time I got home.

And it felt awesome.

I had several cars stop and ask if I needed a ride somewhere. Very sweet, but no, I actually chose to do this. One woman told me I was awe inspiring, one woman told me I was insane and a guy I went to high school with told me I made it look good.

:)

Xo,
Mary

Dear Comcast. You Are Ruining My Life.

I havent had internet for TWO WEEKS!!!

Im so sorry guys! My absence has been quite long...like my gap in both exercise and diet.

This thursday will mark a 3 week(!!!) non-walking spurt. Which I guess wasnt so bad when I was moving stuff. But I done hauling boxes and fruniture up and down two flights of stairs. So I am not surprised at all that I have gained this week. I have been totally lax on counting points and more so, really watching what I am eating. And drinking. Last week involved A LOT of empty calories in the way of booze. Tuesday night I went to beer pong for a friends birthday, thursday I went to pub trivia, and Saturday and Sunday I was out of town at a wedding.

But I did look pretty hot. Check the photo.


(Hopefully this will show up!)

Anyway. Im up 3 pounds. No surprise. I finally broke down and ate Wendys chicken nuggets. I was SO hungover and we were driving home from the wedding...it just wasnt possible to stop anywhere to get a decent(and healthy) meal. Just time for a renewed sense of motivation. Gotta get back into the swing of things. Nothing is gonna change if I dont change.

How is everyone doing out there? I still dont have internet(DAMN IT!) so I am writing this on a phone. I cant read your posts(sad face here) but I can read my own comments. So if you stop by to read this, let me know how youre doing! I miss you guys bunches!

WELCOME!!!

To my new follower. I cant see who you are(damn phone) but I know your there! I'll give you a proper introduction ASAP!

Love,
Mary

Promises Promises

OMG. I get my internet on Wednesday. I promise a BIG update then. Hope everyone is doing well, I look forward to catching up with each and every one of you!!!

4 pounds down this week. F yeah for losing weight while moving!! :)

Xo,
Mary

I faught the law and the...law won.

The law being food. Ack. Free Grand Slam day at Dennys. Continuing from my last post about replacing food with my ex...I did both today.

Ex calls me. Work ended early(hes a sheet metal worker) Hes ravenous. I, on the other hand, am at work and just finished having breakfast. Maybe lunch? Its agreed. He has his heart set on getting himself a free grand slam at Dennys, so thats where we head to.

They dont even take our order. They didnt even give us menus. We were there, oh, maybe 6 minutes before they set down GS in front of us. I shake my head "Im not here for a slam"

Our prehistoric waitress looks me in the eye and says "Oh honey, give me a break." before walking away.

Fuck.

Those pancakes look amazing. I dont think I have had a pancake in about 3 years.

I gobble down two pancakes, 2 strips of bacon and 2 sausage links. Ooh, with syrup.

I, of course, look up the points when I get home.

23 points.

As of 12:36 this afternoon, I had no points left.

I called my ex to tell him that, once again, he is ruining my life. He seemed genuinely sorry. That was nice to hear. He also said he wanted me to plan better for Sunday so that I could eat when we went out. Yes, my ex is also my valentine...

I am at home, with my daughter and my daughters father right now. He just brought home KFC. I told him I dont want him anywhere near me...even though I am in his room using his computer. I guess Im kind of a bitch when Im hungry.

Ladies, I hope you are all fairing much better then I am at this point. Lotsa love :)

IVE HIT 25 FOLLOWERS! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!

To my new readers: Keri and Kat.

I know there are many MANY blogs you could be reading...so I appreciate you taking the time to swing by mine!

Yay!

Xo,
Mary

Lacking.

Alright, Ive been terrible about blogging lately. Sorry kids. I feel like an ass. The lack of blogging is directly tied to my lack of diet and exercise. I kept thinking to myself "I should blog. I should blog. Wait, I shouldnt blog...I have absolutely nothing motivational or inspirational to say."

Which I know isnt necessarily the reason I blog. I blog to get out my feelings, no matter what they may be. I guess since I have been feeling SO much lately, its been really hard to get on and get it out.

I am moving out of my apartment and into a 3 bedroom house with my daughter and my daughters father. Here are the answers to the questions I have been fielding about this subject:

-No, Jp and I are not back together. We are not discussing getting back together. There isnt a prayer in hells chance we're getting back together.

-We're moving in because it makes financial sense. Also, Kylie gets the benefit of having both parents under one roof.

-Jp and I broke up 4 years ago. We are friends. We both understand that the other may have gentlemen/lady friends over. We are considerate of each other.

-It just works. We will live together until it doesnt work anymore.

That whole situation is being compounded by the fact that Im kind of seeing my ex again. He is the absolute worst thing for me. But I cant help myself. Im drawn to him. Cant explain it, because its TOTALLY irrational. I guess when I took one vice(food) away I replaced it with another(him)

Foooooooooooooooood. Food is my freakin enemy right now. Bouncing back and forth between two places is doing terrible things to my WW plan. FML. I had pizza tonight. I dont even like pizza. I just want to hunker down with some soup, saltines and carrots and wait for spring. Like a rabbit. Oooh, Id have quite the fancy fur coat...

Er...anyway.

Exercise. Again, FML. I havent done anything(except move) for DAYS. Im getting stagnant. I feel like old pond water that has no flow... gross and gross. Oh, and gross.

To all my loves out there in bloggerland, you are all doing great. You are all such inspirational people and even when we stumble, we are still making progress. Thanks for being my safety net!!!

Xo,
Mary

Deep Breaths

MOVING SUCKS!!!!


I havent walked in 4 days! I literally have absolutely no time to do it. Its the most irritating thing ever. I feel slovenly. And thats a terrible feeling when you are honestly trying to lose weight.

I tried to be as good as possible this weekend. Friday and Saturday were both pretty good. Sunday...with a wedding and the superbowl, was harder. Lots of fingerfoods(mmmmmm...) and champagne(mmmmm...? Not really, but it was free.)

I hope everyone is doing great. And I promise when I get internet back(im at my moms as we speak)I will be better at blogging and keeping up with your guys blogs!!

A BIG WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
to my new followers!
Losing it-For Real(whats your name?!?! Lol)
Rheina
and
Katie and Kerri

Thanks for following ladies!!! :)

Xo,
Mary

Looks Like Someone Has A Case Of The Mondays.

Okay, quick update. Im moving my weigh-ins to Monday. There I said it. I hate having my weigh ins on Friday!! I weighed myself today and I was 142.3, which is about a pound loss. But I have my *ahem* visitor this weekend(hey, thanks for not coming on valentines day!!!) and I know that always makes me weigh about 3 pounds more. Should be gone(fingers crossed) by Monday. And even if its not-a loss is still a loss. I hope to be in the 30's by next weeks weigh in.

Happy friday everyone. Have a fantabulous weekend and I will try and be better about blogging next week when I am all moved in!

Xo,
Mary

Oh my.

So sorry guys. I am SUPER busy. 2 jobs, a 6 year old, weight loss all while in the process of moving this week! I have a wedding this weekend as well as the weekend after next. I will post pictures and you guys can tell me whether or not I worked these dresses or I need to invest in some mu mus! Lol.

Hope you guys are all doing AMAZING!

Xo,
Mary

Ps. So, my blog follower count is up one. But when I count the icons, there are only 20. If you recently joined my site and I havent already given you a shot out-let me know so I can!!! :)

The Fat Girl vs. The Fireman

Walking along my trail today, as per usual. Im absolutely blasting my music(Britneys Piece of Me, I believe) when I look up to see a fire truck, ambulance and fire marshall SUV coming down the path. Perplexed, I look behind me. No smoke. Weird. I step into the grass on the side of the trail to let them pass and take my headphones off. A rather good looking firefighter leans out the window and says "Safety Response Drill!" I nod, give a little wave and continue up the path.

I hit the turn around point. 2 miles down. I hit the "3 quarters of the way home" bend in the road when my knee starts to give me some serious problems. Shooting pain. I stop and stretch out my leg, in every way I can possibly think of. I tentatively put some weight on it. Seems fine.

3 minutes later, I drop like a sack of potatoes onto the cement trail. My knee totally gives out on me. Its like...have you ever had your foot fall asleep to the point where when you put it down on the ground, you couldnt even feel it? That was the exact feeling. It was like my knee had forgotten its purpose. When I tried to stand, it just kinda wiggled around until I fell on my ass again. Didnt hurt. Didnt feel like anything actually.

I get myself off to the side of the trail. Man. This is embarassing. Do I wait it out? Find a big stick to use as a crutch? It was only another mile. Could I hop a mile? I dont even have my cell phone!

While all these thought dance through my head...the fire brigade rolls back through. I try to hide my shame. I pretend to be stretching. I wave at the firefighters and try to hide my burning hot face. Its times like these, I wish I had brought my sunglasses with me in the overcast.

20 minutes later and 3 attempts to limp, I am 14 feet away from where I orginally collapsed and frustrated. Surprisingly, I havent seen a single soul on the trail. FML

I lean up against a tree and close my eyes, rubbing my kneecap and hoping to either be miraculously healed...or to just die.

Cue the fire marshall SUV.

"You okay ma'am?"

I instantly turn red. "Mmmhmmm. Just hanging out. I like the scenery."
He points toward where my car is parked. "You know there are benches up there to sit on"

He takes his sunglasses off. He cant be more then 26. And hes cute. My shame factor goes into overdrive.

"Totally different experience where your down on the ground. Y'know. Enjoying nature in nature?"

He puts his hazards on and gets out of the car. Please no. No no no no.

"So whats really wrong?"

I giggle. Except Im not good at giggling so it comes out as this forced manic laugh. "Nothing. Seriously. Hanging Out. Dont you have fires to put out?"

"Stand up"

"No really, Im fine"

"Stand up or I will have to carry you to the truck"

The horrific thought of this guy having to pick my fat ass up and carry me has me on my feet. Leaning against the tree as cooly as possible "See? Totally fine"

My knee gives out while I am leaning against the tree and I smack the side of my face into the bark.

"Alright. Just leave me to die of shame"

The guy laughs and helps me to my feet, slinging his arm around my waist. "Put your weight on me."

Are you kidding me?!?

He gets frustrated and picks me up. I really had to fight the urge to kick and scream "Im gonna break you in two!!!"

He takes me back to the ranger station and gives me Aspirin and an ice pack. He gets a call on his radio and has to leave, telling me to stay put. I literally run back to my car, which is only about 25 feet away from me now.

I can not remember the last time someone picked me up.

Am I alone in this feeling? Trying to refuse medical attention for fear that I may be picked up? While probably not logical, tell me im not crazy!