This is one of my best friends, Bub. He got married this weekend to his high school sweetheart. I kept being told how amazing I looked, which was nice. I had my hair done, my nails done, was in a fabulous dress. And inside, I felt like shit. My self confidence is totally faked. A lot. And unfortunately, to overcompensate for just how terrible I felt, I drank far too much. I had had 3 pork sausages for breakfast and a salad. And that was it. I remember bits and pieces after dinner, which is terrible. I am so incredibly embarrassed that I let myself get that out of control. especially at my best friends wedding. We spoke about it yesterday, and he said that I wasnt out of control or anything, and still conducted myself well. Its still heartbreaking that there are huge chunks of his wedding I cant remember.
I honestly dont know why I am so unhappy right now. There have been times in the past when I have fallen into a depression. It lingers for a while and then lifts. I am hoping this one is a short one. Im having a hard time believing that anyone else loves me because I cant love myself.
Weight wise, Im still doing okay. I lost 1.5 lbs this week. I tried to stay on track, and I did. But I think that Saturdays liquid diet, as well as Sundays fiesta( we had Mimosas and BBQ while the newly weds opened gifts) did me in. But I am very close to being at my lowest in 6 years-219. Im going to try and keep my head up and push through this.
To my newest readers: LauraLynne and Bringing Pretty Back; thanks for following girls! I hope you enjoy me! Lol. Welcome welcome!!!
Mary, what's your email?
ReplyDeleteWay to go on the weight loss. Do not beat yourself up too much about letting lose. Just get back on track. Thankfully you were not out of control like your BFF said.
ReplyDeleteI too seem fake on the outside. Smiling when I am actually crying. We can get through this.
I hope you feel better. You have had a lot on your plate and it may take some time to sort it out. BIG HUGS...
ReplyDeleteI think it is so cute you say hello to your new followers.
ReplyDeleteI think we have all been there Mare. It sucks but you can't go back and change it. You CAN change what you do in the next social situation though. xoxox
P.S. He said you didn't do anything embarrassing!
Hi love! I have been thinking about you so much! Girl you are kicking ass on the weight loss, but I understand about putting on a smile. I have been doing that for some time now.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, you were rocking it according to the above photo (=